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not help your feelings of frustration
and resentment, and your partner being

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blissfully unaware that he is failing to
satisfy you.

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The truth is, though, that the vast
majority of women have fate orgasm at

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time, and it's equally true that most
men can't tell the difference.

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Of course, no one needs orgasms to live,
or even to be fulfilled.

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I was married for six years before I
even had an orgasm, and that's when I

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realised I'd never had one before.

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Now it occasionally happens, but not
regularly, and I can't tell what's going

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bring it on, but I'm beginning to want
to do something about it.

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For some women, the amount of
relaxation, loss of control, and ability

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tolerate high levels of pleasure never
quite come together to give them an

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orgasm.

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I used to try and tell myself that the
kind of peaks I had during lovemaking

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were orgasms.

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But they say you know for sure if you've
really had one.

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So I guess I haven't.

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What's really great, not just what we
get up to in the bedroom, but how

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brilliantly we turn each other on in
public.

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There are also many women who enjoy a
perfectly happy sex life without

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though most of us would like to be able
to have them, and to have them with our

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partner.

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It helps enormously to have a loving and
reassuring partner who accepts you just

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as you are, to help you feel emotionally
secure, and who'll work with you to

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provide the right sort of stimulation to
make orgasms possible.

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You may have simply never been honest
with yourself or your partner.

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Perhaps, as a couple, you've never
talked openly.

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The first thing is to assess your own
sexuality.

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Are you capable of orgasms, by yourself
or with your partner?

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Let's start with you alone.

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A couple of years ago, I would never
have believed what I can do now. I

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taught myself how to masturbate and have
an orgasm. I never used to bother

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before because nothing really happened.

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I assumed I was just someone who
couldn't come.

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Then when it started to happen, I
realised it was something you could

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and learn how to make it happen.

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Now I just wish I'd started earlier.

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It's surprising how many women complain
about their partner's inability to

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satisfy them sexually, yet haven't
bothered to learn how to bring

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00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:09,280
orgasm.

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In fact, only a minority of women are
able to climax by penis and vagina

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stimulation alone.

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But well over 80 % can come to orgasm
through masturbation.

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If you are someone who has problems
coming alone, you may quite simply not

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doing the right thing.

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It's possible you're not yet fully
awakened sexually, or it may be that you

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some conscious or unconscious barriers
to be broken down first, perhaps about

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masturbation itself.

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To break down these barriers, you will
first need to be happy with your own

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00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:03,950
body.

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00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:09,140
You'll also need to be fully aware of
your own sexual likes and dislikes and

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more importantly your orgasmic
capability

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A

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good

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place to start making these discoveries
is in the bath

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Gently and slowly explore which parts of
your body feel nicest.

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Make sure you're private, with no fear
of being interrupted, and take yourself

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right back to basics with these sensual
exercises.

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Make a mental note of which bits were
best.

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00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,400
and which areas were the greatest turn
-ons.

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Now, in the bedroom, using baby oil or
towels, repeat the exercises you did in

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the bath.

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I was quite surprised when I first tried
this. I realised I'd never taken time

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to think what I really liked.

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That's why I never knew what to say when
my boyfriend asked me what I wanted him

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to do.

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Notice how different you feel, in the
bath and out of it.

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Over several sessions, you'll be
surprised how much progress you make in

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awakening your own sexual feelings.

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00:05:40,220 --> 00:05:45,160
Because so much of a woman's body is
hidden and internal, a lot of us don't

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our genital anatomy very well.

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Look at the pubic hair, the plump outer
lip, and the thin inner one.

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Part these and locate the clitoris at
the top.

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The urinary opening is just below.

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00:06:04,460 --> 00:06:07,320
Feel the vaginal opening and then the
perineum behind.

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Run your finger around the anal area and
see how that feels.

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Taking time to get to know yourself well
should increase your own pleasure and

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help you teach your partner what you
like.

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For the vast majority of women, the
clitoris is the main pleasure centre.

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Make sure the area is well lubricated,
then try all kinds of motions and

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around your clitoris.

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Develop your own technique, but be
careful early on not to apply too much

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stimulation to the organ itself, because
it might be too sensitive.

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A useful tip here is, when you find a
movement that works, stick with it.

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Even if you don't reach a climax the
first time, don't give up, but take

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pleasure from the progress you have made
and the enjoyment you have had.

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Learning to masturbate on a regular
basis helps develop your sexual

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00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,120
responsiveness.

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00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:14,380
But working on the physical side is only
one path to successful orgasm.

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The psychological side needs developing
too.

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One good way of doing this is through
fantasy.

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Just thinking of something erotic can
cause your genitals to swell and your

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00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:27,380
vagina to lubricate.

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The brain is the most powerful sex organ
and plays a vital role in the arousal

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00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:33,620
process.

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00:07:34,570 --> 00:07:38,130
Allow your mind the freedom to come up
with images that excite you.

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Learn how to develop them into full
-blown fantasy situations in which you

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lose yourself.

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00:07:44,470 --> 00:07:46,510
Don't worry that they're too rude or
dirty.

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00:07:46,890 --> 00:07:49,070
We all have these visions in our
psyches.

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They are your personal tools for
arousal.

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Don't be afraid to use them with or
without a partner.

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Whilst letting your mind wander off into
a favourite fantasy, Now feel your way

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around as you start to become aroused.

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If you continue to find it takes a long
time to get aroused, or that you get so

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far but can't quite finish off with a
climax, no matter how much you stimulate

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yourself and fantasize, then you might
like to try a vibrator.

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00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:38,900
I would have been too embarrassed to go
out and buy a vibrator myself, but when

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my boyfriend gave me one gift wrapped as
a joke, he actually got me something

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00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,080
really useful.

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Many women are shy about even buying or
using such a thing, but it's worth

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considering.

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00:08:57,660 --> 00:08:59,300
Firstly, they're extremely effective.

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They're a powerful stimulus capable of
making most women come in a few minutes.

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00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:08,960
Secondly, they're easy to get hold of by
mail order if you can't face going into

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the sex shop.

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There are several types of vibrator.

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00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:16,240
The most popular is this plastic one.

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Before starting, ensure that you're very
wet, and if you're not, apply a

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commercial lubricant.

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00:09:23,340 --> 00:09:28,100
Experiment until you find the best
combination of speed, movement and

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00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,660
to get you really aroused.

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When something feels good, stay with it.

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00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:44,240
Although some women like to arouse
themselves with a vibrator inside their

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vagina, the vast majority get their best
pleasure from sensations around the

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00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:49,580
clitoris.

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00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:04,260
Mane's operated vibrators are better in
many ways because they're more powerful.

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00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:07,040
But please don't use one of these in the
bath.

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00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,880
Remember to pleasure other parts of your
body, such as your breath and nipple,

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00:10:19,060 --> 00:10:20,240
if that's what you like.

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00:10:22,980 --> 00:10:27,020
Because vibrators are so effective, some
women worry that they could become

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addicted to them, and then unable to
come with their man or using their

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00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:32,520
alone.

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00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,080
This almost never happens.

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A vibrator is simply a highly effective
way of increasing your level of arousal.

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00:10:39,580 --> 00:10:42,180
And you can, of course, also use it with
your partner.

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00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:51,340
Our general level of fitness can also
affect our ability to climax and our sex

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00:10:51,340 --> 00:10:52,340
life as a whole.

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00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:55,840
More specifically, you can exercise your
vagina.

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00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:00,580
It's the contraction of the pelvic
muscles that produces many of the most

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00:11:00,580 --> 00:11:01,580
powerful sensations.

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00:11:03,420 --> 00:11:07,180
Tighten and release these as if you were
trying to stop yourself peeing.

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00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,640
The great thing is that you can do this
anywhere, anytime.

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00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:17,140
A more advanced version is to think of
your vagina as a lift shaft.

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00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:23,140
Slowly make the lift rise by contracting
your pelvic muscles until you can make

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00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:24,940
the lift stop and start at will.

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00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:31,400
Without question, the best way to learn
about and enhance your own orgasmic

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abilities is through masturbation.

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00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:37,860
It is an activity you can enjoy and
experience regularly.

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00:11:38,590 --> 00:11:41,970
It will keep you in touch with your own
sexual feelings and you'll be able to

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00:11:41,970 --> 00:11:45,690
bring this sensual self -awareness into
your relationship with your partner.

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00:12:26,540 --> 00:12:30,420
Once you can bring yourself to orgasm
you'll probably want to go on and share

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00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:31,540
things with your partner.

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Most women find that the whole
experience is generally more satisfying

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00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:47,280
produces different orgasmic feelings
than when they're on their own.

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If you can climax alone, but have
difficulty with him, you'll first have

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00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,820
discover whether it's a psychological
barrier or a physical one.

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Some women are shy, embarrassed, or
inhibited about having orgasms with

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lover.

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00:13:15,530 --> 00:13:19,770
The paradox is being able to relax
enough mentally to allow your sexual

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00:13:19,770 --> 00:13:22,510
levels to increase to the point of
orgasmic release.

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Sometimes, just having a sufficient
amount of alcohol would allow you to

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enough to have an orgasm.

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Start by learning to be uninhibited
about your own desires and sexuality

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00:13:40,690 --> 00:13:41,690
your partner.

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00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:47,580
Some things to work on are being able to
talk sexily to him.

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00:13:48,180 --> 00:13:51,720
Tell him what turns you on and things
you know turn him on.

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00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:54,440
Maybe share some of your fantasies with
him.

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00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:00,880
Act sexily in front of him.

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00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:05,320
Some women say being watched by their
man as they caress themselves with their

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fingers or vibrator is really arousing.

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00:14:08,469 --> 00:14:12,610
It's likely to be a turn -on for him,
too, and he can learn a lot about how

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00:14:12,610 --> 00:14:13,610
like to be aroused.

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00:14:14,930 --> 00:14:15,990
Let yourself go.

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00:14:17,050 --> 00:14:18,530
Lose yourself in your fantasy.

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00:14:19,450 --> 00:14:23,550
Try, once you're getting close to
orgasm, to make the noises of orgasm

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00:14:24,610 --> 00:14:27,910
Sometimes the act of letting go vocally
can trigger your whole climax.

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00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:41,680
Good sex means helping one another to
get real pleasure out of it.

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00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:47,080
If the problem is his technique, either
what he doesn't or can't yet do, or what

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00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:51,020
he does wrongly, believing that you like
it, you'll have to guide and retrain

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00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:52,020
him.

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00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,360
Improving his technique may take time
and patience.

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00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,680
Whatever worked for him with other
women, he needed to become aware that

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00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,640
were the only expert on your arousal.

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00:15:05,930 --> 00:15:08,310
and that every woman is unique in what
turns her on.

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00:15:13,750 --> 00:15:17,870
It may be hard to tell a lover that he's
not good in bed, and it takes a lot of

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00:15:17,870 --> 00:15:21,870
tact and affection to make your comments
positive and helpful, not simply

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00:15:21,870 --> 00:15:22,990
negative and hurtful.

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00:15:23,810 --> 00:15:28,210
You might find, though, that your
honesty allows him to open up too.

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00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:35,540
The best way to train him without being
counterproductive is undoubtedly by

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00:15:35,540 --> 00:15:39,380
gently showing him what you do like,
rather than complaining about what you

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00:15:39,380 --> 00:15:40,380
don't.

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00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:46,580
The first thing is to make sure that he
knows all your erogenous zones.

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00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:55,000
It may be that you love your ears being
kissed, your neck nibbled, or your

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00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,000
nipples sucked.

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00:15:56,420 --> 00:15:59,560
Indeed, some women can reach orgasm by
these methods alone.

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00:16:06,990 --> 00:16:11,250
When the time comes for more intimate
caressing, take his hand and lightly

197
00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:15,470
maneuver his fingers to exactly where
you like them best, letting him follow

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00:16:15,470 --> 00:16:18,370
your lead in the right pressure, speed,
and so on.

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00:16:19,710 --> 00:16:22,970
Reinforce what he gets right with sounds
and whispers of pleasure.

200
00:16:23,930 --> 00:16:28,410
Move on to encouraging him to find your
G -spot and learning how to stimulate

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00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:29,410
it.

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00:16:30,570 --> 00:16:34,590
The trouble is that the G -spot can be
difficult for a woman herself to get to.

203
00:16:35,340 --> 00:16:39,480
Your difficulty, though, is your
partner's opportunity, so get him to

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00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:40,580
see what works for you.

205
00:16:44,780 --> 00:16:49,500
The G -spot is located halfway up the
front wall of the vagina and is best

206
00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:51,780
stimulated by a sort of come -here
motion.

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00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:03,440
At first... the sensations may be
strange and your man will need to be

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00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,680
persistent and get a lot of guidance
from you.

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00:17:08,220 --> 00:17:12,579
Adding clitoral stimulation with his
other hand can create a level of arousal

210
00:17:12,579 --> 00:17:16,520
and orgasms that many women say they can
experience in no other way.

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00:17:16,980 --> 00:17:20,440
Another comfortable position for G -spot
stimulation is this one.

212
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:25,300
Your partner is now free to stroke your
vaginal wall with his finger pads face

213
00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:26,300
down.

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00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,200
This can be a nice starting position if
you feel shy.

215
00:17:30,190 --> 00:17:34,790
Other areas in the vagina can also be
highly arousing and strengthen orgasms.

216
00:17:36,390 --> 00:17:38,450
Experiment with caressing the cervix.

217
00:17:38,990 --> 00:17:42,830
This can be very effective for some,
though others find such stimulation

218
00:17:42,830 --> 00:17:44,110
completely off -putting.

219
00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:48,030
At the sides of the vagina is where the
ovaries lie.

220
00:17:48,550 --> 00:17:51,970
Get him gently to explore the effects of
stroking either side.

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00:17:52,690 --> 00:17:56,930
Once again, some women say that this is
actually unpleasant, so take it gently.

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00:18:01,450 --> 00:18:03,470
Try getting him to give you oral sex.

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00:18:04,390 --> 00:18:09,190
Many women find this the warmest,
wettest and most intimate form of sex

224
00:18:09,190 --> 00:18:11,150
route to the most overwhelming climaxes.

225
00:18:14,150 --> 00:18:17,970
One of the fartiest ways for me to come,
and definitely one of the best, is when

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00:18:17,970 --> 00:18:20,470
he gives me oral sex and plays with me
at the same time.

227
00:18:21,530 --> 00:18:26,670
I actually find giving oral sex a great
turn -on for me, but I'm not sure about

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00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:27,670
receiving it.

229
00:18:28,390 --> 00:18:29,390
Oral sex.

230
00:18:29,550 --> 00:18:34,530
the most exquisite way of reaching
orgasm. Having Michael licked and sucked

231
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one of the most intense experiences and
it makes that whole area wonderfully

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sensitive.

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You can guide his actions quite a bit by
positioning his mouth where you want

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and holding his head closer or further
away to get just the right pressure.

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But lovemaking involves both partners,
and its best rewards come from shifting

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the spotlight back and forth between
you.

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Witnessing your partner's arousal will
itself be highly arousing for you.

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Switching between you allows joint
responsibility and delight in one

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00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:16,900
pleasure, until the final moments of
orgasm when each becomes deliciously

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in their own feelings.

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If climaxing with your partner inside
you is difficult, it's probably worth

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00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:31,130
taking the pressure off trying for
orgasm through penetrative sex and

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00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:34,270
concentrating on getting your orgasm
through masturbation.

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An obvious way of ensuring you do reach
an orgasm is for you to be stimulated to

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climax before penetration.

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As only about one in five women come
with penetrative sex alone, it's wrong

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00:19:56,040 --> 00:20:00,180
assume that penis and vagina movement by
itself should produce an orgasm for a

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woman as it does for a man.

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The vast majority of us also need
stimulation of the clitoris during

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if we are to come at all, let alone have
a really good orgasm.

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Learning to have orgasms during
penetration takes some couples years to

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This lateral position can be an
excellent learning arrangement Relax and

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00:20:23,050 --> 00:20:29,870
let him masturbate you or do it yourself
as he penetrates you Like this you can

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00:20:29,870 --> 00:20:34,110
get used to having an orgasm with him
inside There

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00:20:34,110 --> 00:20:41,050
is no one particular lovemaking position

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00:20:41,050 --> 00:20:45,820
guaranteed to ensure better orgasms
though different ones do allow increased

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00:20:45,820 --> 00:20:47,700
stimulation of different areas.

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Being on top yourself will certainly
allow you more control in terms of

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rhythm, intensity of clitoral
stimulation and the degree of

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It also allows you to interact with your
lover face to face.

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There's something really exciting about
being able to look down on him. I can

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watch his face and his excitement.

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For me to be in control and see the
pleasure I'm giving is a special turn

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Man on top position restricts your
ability to set the pace.

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But despite what many say of the much
maligned missionary position, the

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on the clitoris, created between the two
pubic bones, can provide quite a lot of

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00:21:30,900 --> 00:21:35,200
stimulation. A more advanced version,
which gives a lot of general clitoral

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stimulation without fingers, is this
clitoral alignment technique, CAT as

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known.

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If deep penetration turns you on best,
then you might find something like this

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00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:57,190
works well.

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You can control the depth by positioning
your legs.

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The more you draw them back, the deeper
the penis goes in.

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If the G -spot is your favourite
trigger, then a rear entry position will

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greatly help.

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It's penis on G -spot that really brings
me off.

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It sounds strange, but sometimes a
lover's unselfish concern to give me

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foreplay has been the problem.

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All I want to do is to get him inside
me.

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When you come to the magical moment of
orgasm, though, it helps to find a

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00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:41,700
comfortable position that allows you to
enjoy it and go with the spasms to the

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00:22:41,700 --> 00:22:45,860
fullest. You can alternate going for
your or his orgasm first.

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00:22:46,899 --> 00:22:51,640
My lover just lies still on top of me
after he's finished, stroking me gently

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00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:52,920
till I have my climax.

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I love the way he goes on sharing it
with me, because if he pulled away just

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I was getting there, I think I'd go mad
with frustration.

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00:23:02,900 --> 00:23:07,500
Many men find orgasm pleasantly tiring,
and don't seem to have the stamina to go

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00:23:07,500 --> 00:23:10,560
on and bring their lover to orgasm once
they've ejaculated.

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00:23:11,690 --> 00:23:16,010
You could take a stand on this and
insist, or if he can't or won't, you

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00:23:16,010 --> 00:23:19,590
use his body or hand or your own to
finish yourself off.

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00:23:25,570 --> 00:23:30,630
The main thing when exploring the
secrets of orgasms together is to keep

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00:23:30,630 --> 00:23:34,630
mind and be honest with one another
about what you both want and need.

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Although it would be great if an
understanding and sympathetic lover

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00:23:39,020 --> 00:23:43,360
instinctively knew what we wanted, this
is not usually the case, especially

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00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:44,820
early on in a relationship.

296
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:49,920
It's worth being a bit courageous to let
him know what you like, and if he cares

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00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,200
about you, he'll enjoy helping you to
get there.

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00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:54,620
Try doing the same for him in return.

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00:23:55,320 --> 00:24:00,260
This sort of sexual equality can make
things feel very good indeed, and can

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00:24:00,260 --> 00:24:01,900
help enrich your relationship.

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00:25:44,910 --> 00:25:48,930
If by now, with or without the help of
this program, you're experiencing good

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00:25:48,930 --> 00:25:52,070
orgasms, then you're ready to go for
something even better.

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00:25:52,670 --> 00:25:57,670
How we get our best orgasms varies a
great deal between lovemaking sessions

304
00:25:57,670 --> 00:25:58,670
between individuals.

305
00:25:59,350 --> 00:26:01,410
But one thing is true for all of us.

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00:26:01,770 --> 00:26:06,490
Taking time to explore, being honest
about what we like and don't like, and

307
00:26:06,490 --> 00:26:08,710
being creative will give us the best
chances.

308
00:26:09,670 --> 00:26:12,190
Of course, different things appeal to
different people.

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00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:17,300
So don't be too surprised if parts of
this section seem a bit silly, unerotic

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00:26:17,300 --> 00:26:19,140
unlikely for you personally as a couple.

311
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:24,360
Try to think of it as a sort of menu
from which you can pick and choose as

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00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:26,640
expand your horizons and go for gold.

313
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:32,280
A good starting point is to enhance the
pleasures you get on your own.

314
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:37,480
Raising your personal levels of arousal
and sexual satisfaction is worthwhile in

315
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:38,620
itself, just for you.

316
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:43,680
This will almost inevitably also benefit
your relationship with your lover.

317
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:52,060
For most of us, the richest orgasmic
experiences are to be had in the

318
00:26:52,060 --> 00:26:53,060
of our lover.

319
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:57,480
Indeed, many people claim that their
partner's arousal is their biggest turn

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00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:58,480
-on.

321
00:26:59,380 --> 00:27:03,820
Whilst it's true that some men think
only of their own pleasure, on the

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00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:05,680
most are anxious to please their lover.

323
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:09,840
Was it good for you?

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00:27:09,940 --> 00:27:11,020
Most really care.

325
00:27:11,900 --> 00:27:15,640
Of course, both partners will gain a lot
more pleasure by giving each other

326
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:16,640
maximum feedback.

327
00:27:26,220 --> 00:27:31,400
As a general rule, most lovers combine
greater pleasure simply by prolonging

328
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:32,600
time they take over sex.

329
00:27:33,660 --> 00:27:37,840
Longer foreplay is particularly
important for the woman to ensure that

330
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:38,840
fully aroused.

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00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:43,080
This will give her the best chance of an
orgasm and make her climaxes more

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00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:44,600
forceful and longer -lasting.

333
00:27:45,500 --> 00:27:49,600
During actual sex, the vagina should not
be treated merely as a passive

334
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,380
receptacle for a hard -working penis.

335
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:57,260
You can use your pelvic muscle to arouse
your man, caress him, and even bring

336
00:27:57,260 --> 00:27:58,260
him to orgasm.

337
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:00,220
You can milk his penis.

338
00:28:00,950 --> 00:28:05,670
contracting your muscles on it as he
withdraws at each stroke, then relaxing

339
00:28:05,670 --> 00:28:06,670
he enters you again.

340
00:28:06,990 --> 00:28:11,450
And when you climax, these muscles will
contract more strongly, making your

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00:28:11,450 --> 00:28:14,690
orgasm almost as pleasurable for him as
it is for you.

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00:28:19,610 --> 00:28:24,190
You can bring about more intense orgasms
in your man by taking him to the brink

343
00:28:24,190 --> 00:28:28,130
of orgasm and then pulling him back a
number of times before allowing him to

344
00:28:28,130 --> 00:28:29,130
ejaculate.

345
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:34,160
Some women are capable of multiple
orgasms, with extra stimulation.

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00:28:35,140 --> 00:28:39,380
They're not, of course, compulsory. More
is by no means necessarily better.

347
00:28:40,420 --> 00:28:44,660
Sometimes men, too, can have more than
one orgasm in quick succession, but this

348
00:28:44,660 --> 00:28:46,080
is rare in the over -twenties.

349
00:28:52,420 --> 00:28:57,600
Simultaneous orgasms can be experienced
regularly only by couples very sexually

350
00:28:57,600 --> 00:28:58,720
attuned to each other.

351
00:29:09,390 --> 00:29:13,650
If both of you are relaxed, confident
and capable of indicating through words

352
00:29:13,650 --> 00:29:18,090
and touch your rising levels of
excitement, then your individual arousal

353
00:29:18,090 --> 00:29:19,330
can be synchronized.

354
00:29:27,170 --> 00:29:32,410
Certainly, the pleasure created by the
joint spasms of a dual climax are one

355
00:29:32,410 --> 00:29:34,130
clear example of hitting gold.

356
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:54,440
In seeking new ways to enhance your
orgasms, there's a range of activities

357
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:58,620
whilst not attractive for every couple,
are worth knowing about, so that you

358
00:29:58,620 --> 00:29:59,620
have a greater choice.

359
00:30:01,820 --> 00:30:04,820
Quickie sex, for example, takes a lot of
beating from any couple.

360
00:30:11,060 --> 00:30:15,180
Although most women say that their best
orgasms occur after prolonged love play,

361
00:30:15,340 --> 00:30:19,670
and when they're very wet, I often hear
stories of mind -blowing orgasm brought

362
00:30:19,670 --> 00:30:23,370
about by near -impenetration, if both
are crazy for one another.

363
00:30:28,090 --> 00:30:33,090
Being really forceful can create high
levels of arousal and superb orgasms for

364
00:30:33,090 --> 00:30:34,090
some.

365
00:30:39,870 --> 00:30:44,510
Sometimes, a woman's best orgasms occur
when her partner is being exceptionally

366
00:30:44,510 --> 00:30:45,510
dominating.

367
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:53,700
And some men say that when their woman
takes control, they feel extremely

368
00:30:53,700 --> 00:30:54,700
excited.

369
00:30:58,380 --> 00:31:02,680
Work out together how you can shift this
balance of initiative and dominance

370
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:03,680
between you.

371
00:31:05,860 --> 00:31:11,140
I've also heard men say that being very
quiet, intimate, and their lover

372
00:31:11,140 --> 00:31:15,000
creating a mother -like security gives
them their best orgasmic experience.

373
00:31:16,300 --> 00:31:20,440
All sexual arousal involves increased
muscle tension, as we have seen.

374
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:25,440
A good way of enhancing this is
consciously to contract your muscles

375
00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:30,560
Almost any muscles can do the trick, but
pelvic contraction is especially

376
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:31,560
effective.

377
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:37,760
Similarly, some men find that holding
their breath as they approach orgasm can

378
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:42,040
make for better pleasure, and a few say
that climaxing with a very full bladder

379
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,560
also increases their range of
sensations.

380
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:53,920
Erotic massage is an advanced version of
your self -pleasuring exercises and

381
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:55,680
involves both you and your partner.

382
00:31:56,420 --> 00:32:01,100
All the knowledge and skills learnt
alone can now be applied towards

383
00:32:01,100 --> 00:32:02,100
responses together.

384
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:09,280
The aim now is to stimulate those areas
that produce the very best levels of

385
00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:10,280
arousal.

386
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:16,140
Oil, plain or scented, adds to the mood.

387
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,840
and creates whole new sensations for
both giver and receiver.

388
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:29,340
Massage each other all over the abdomen
and chest.

389
00:32:30,060 --> 00:32:32,760
Both may find their nipples particularly
responsive.

390
00:32:37,900 --> 00:32:42,820
The genitals themselves are, of course,
the biggest pleasure centers, but the

391
00:32:42,820 --> 00:32:47,780
creative lover who's going for gold
explores all around the area, paying

392
00:32:47,780 --> 00:32:52,460
attention to the perineum, that bridge
of sensitive skin behind the genitals.

393
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:58,180
This kind of erotic massage can lead to
tremendous orgasms.

394
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:05,120
Erotica and sex toys can help increase
levels of arousal, and for some, develop

395
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:06,340
their sexual imaginations.

396
00:33:07,300 --> 00:33:11,180
There's a vast range of toys available
by mail order and from sex shops.

397
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:13,820
We've already looked at vibrators.

398
00:33:14,410 --> 00:33:19,310
Their cousin, the dildo, is simply a
more penis -shaped and latex -covered

399
00:33:19,310 --> 00:33:20,330
version of the same thing.

400
00:33:22,890 --> 00:33:27,890
Dildos are useful if a woman wants to
feel filled up during masturbation, or

401
00:33:27,890 --> 00:33:30,110
or your partner can use one when making
love.

402
00:33:30,790 --> 00:33:35,910
Their size may seem alarming, but be
bold when choosing one and go for a

403
00:33:35,910 --> 00:33:37,090
one than you think likely.

404
00:33:37,350 --> 00:33:41,390
Having your vagina somewhat stretched
usually produces more pleasure.

405
00:33:45,330 --> 00:33:50,770
Another device to stimulate the vagina
and enhance orgasm is this set of

406
00:33:50,990 --> 00:33:52,510
or vaginal love balls.

407
00:33:52,990 --> 00:33:56,910
They're weighted and move about inside
you, bringing a thrill to such ordinary

408
00:33:56,910 --> 00:33:59,690
tasks as doing the shopping or walking
to work.

409
00:34:00,090 --> 00:34:03,590
Many people, though, find them simply
uncomfortable and disappointing.

410
00:34:06,710 --> 00:34:08,889
This device is a cock ring.

411
00:34:09,610 --> 00:34:13,670
Fitted around the base of the penis, it
allows the organ to engorge but little

412
00:34:13,670 --> 00:34:14,670
blood to flow away.

413
00:34:15,770 --> 00:34:17,810
This produces a bigger erection.

414
00:34:18,730 --> 00:34:23,230
Be careful never to use one that's too
tight or difficult to remove or you

415
00:34:23,230 --> 00:34:25,190
end up a very embarrassed casualty
patient.

416
00:34:27,070 --> 00:34:29,710
This is supposed to be a clitoral
stimulator.

417
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:41,739
Ingenious though it looks, many couples
who use them find them uncomfortable and

418
00:34:41,739 --> 00:34:45,560
disappointing. It's usually better for
one or other of you to use fingers.

419
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:54,219
Fancy condoms, some incorporating
supposed clitoral and cervical

420
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:55,500
are currently in vogue.

421
00:35:00,020 --> 00:35:03,020
They seem to be better for a laugh,
though, than for sexual effect.

422
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:08,860
Obviously intended for fun are these
flavoured condoms. You could play lick

423
00:35:08,860 --> 00:35:09,860
guess safely.

424
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:13,940
Or, with a safe partner, try the
flavours direct without the condom.

425
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:26,680
Using food to increase pleasure can be
fun as well as tasty.

426
00:35:27,460 --> 00:35:31,800
Things such as yoghurt, fromage frais,
honey, very sticky.

427
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:36,280
can provide tactile as well as oral
sensations that can heighten the sensual

428
00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:37,280
experience.

429
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:46,060
Fromage frais is just perfect.

430
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,860
Delicious for licking off the penis and
not too sweet and gooey.

431
00:35:58,250 --> 00:36:02,110
Erotic underwear is loved by some and
laughed at by others.

432
00:36:02,890 --> 00:36:08,630
Baths, posing pouches, flick -crotch
panties, and all the silk, satin,

433
00:36:08,810 --> 00:36:12,610
leather and fur materials that they come
in may just tickle your fancy.

434
00:36:15,110 --> 00:36:16,550
So may simple water.

435
00:36:17,310 --> 00:36:20,950
Orgasms in the bath or shower are often
guaranteed to bring about that extra

436
00:36:20,950 --> 00:36:25,230
frisson. A guaranteed way of getting a
big O is with my partner in the shower

437
00:36:25,230 --> 00:36:27,310
with creative use of the shower head.

438
00:36:31,660 --> 00:36:34,800
Flipping all over one another can have a
certain je ne sais quoi.

439
00:36:42,460 --> 00:36:45,760
Tantric sexual practices have recently
become popular in the West.

440
00:36:46,720 --> 00:36:51,320
Originating from ancient, secret, occult
practices of Hinduism and Buddhism,

441
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:56,020
they have much to say about conserving
orgasmic energy in order to boost the

442
00:36:56,020 --> 00:36:57,220
spiritual side of lovemaking.

443
00:36:58,820 --> 00:37:03,640
Oceanic sex, as it's been called, is a
playful flow and exchange of energies

444
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:04,720
resembling a dance.

445
00:37:05,980 --> 00:37:10,220
The idea is to experience blissful unity
with one's partner.

446
00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:16,240
Focusing on the spiritual rather than
simply physical side of orgasm has a lot

447
00:37:16,240 --> 00:37:17,240
to recommend it.

448
00:37:18,060 --> 00:37:22,840
As we've seen, fantasies are crucial to
stimulating your most powerful sex

449
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:24,100
organs, the brain.

450
00:37:24,910 --> 00:37:29,450
But one way to really give viz to your
sex life is to share fantasies and

451
00:37:29,450 --> 00:37:31,110
possibly even to act them out.

452
00:37:31,970 --> 00:37:35,850
For instance, a common female fantasy is
to risk being seen naked.

453
00:37:36,510 --> 00:37:39,790
You could simply leave off your
underwear and ensure your lover gets the

454
00:37:39,790 --> 00:37:44,490
flash, or go further and, say, spend a
whole afternoon shopping together with

455
00:37:44,490 --> 00:37:46,510
you wearing nothing more than a coat and
shoes.

456
00:37:49,250 --> 00:37:52,670
If you act out fantasies at home, how
about videoing them?

457
00:37:53,130 --> 00:37:57,550
you might find your own X -rated movies
more erotic than many of the taggy

458
00:37:57,550 --> 00:37:58,670
commercially available kinds.

459
00:38:00,370 --> 00:38:05,250
Allied to the Alfresco peep show is
making love in different and sometimes

460
00:38:05,250 --> 00:38:06,250
dangerous places.

461
00:38:06,850 --> 00:38:11,350
What this lacks in comfort can be more
than compensated for by the excitement

462
00:38:11,350 --> 00:38:13,070
and intensity it produces.

463
00:38:22,060 --> 00:38:25,260
As we've seen, orgasms are a complex and
subtle business.

464
00:38:26,620 --> 00:38:31,000
Good enough climaxes are available to
anyone who takes the time and trouble to

465
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:32,740
learn about their body and its
responses.

466
00:38:34,540 --> 00:38:38,840
Really great orgasms, though, often
involve sharing at a soul -to -soul

467
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:39,840
with your lover.

468
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:46,160
So, the more you develop not only the
physical side of your love life, but

469
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:50,160
the whole relationship between you, the
more you'll enrich your orgasms.

470
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:58,060
Our best orgasms occur when we abandon
ourselves to authenticity and

471
00:39:10,780 --> 00:39:15,620
Sometimes it'll be wild, raunchy and
athletic sex that turns us on best.

472
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:20,280
And on other occasions, tender, quiet
and gentle lovemaking.

473
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:21,940
That'll be most fulfilling.

474
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:41,940
Real communication in a long -term
relationship by a creative couple

475
00:39:41,940 --> 00:39:47,140
to fidelity, openness, and inventiveness
can develop on parallel depths of trust

476
00:39:47,140 --> 00:39:48,140
and understanding.

477
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:53,560
This, in turn, brings about levels of
eroticism well beyond anything possible

478
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:54,560
casual sex.

479
00:41:17,630 --> 00:41:22,550
We hope that this lover's guide will be
a source of enhancement and joy to you

480
00:41:22,550 --> 00:41:25,010
as an individual and to you both as a
couple.

481
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:52,460
For most men, from the very start of
their sexual lives, orgasm is seen as

482
00:44:52,460 --> 00:44:54,500
be -all and end -all of erotic activity.

483
00:44:55,920 --> 00:45:00,040
Throughout initial forays into
masturbation and early relationships,

484
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,920
aim, after getting aroused of course, is
to ejaculate.

485
00:45:03,740 --> 00:45:07,700
It's only later that most of us realise
how many other pleasures, physical,

486
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,680
spiritual and emotional, there can be in
lovemaking.

487
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:16,900
Another misunderstanding is that orgasms
are simply a genital sensation and that

488
00:45:16,900 --> 00:45:20,540
they remain much the same whether
produced by masturbation or making love.

489
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:25,520
But there are things that you can do to
make your climaxes more pleasurable,

490
00:45:25,720 --> 00:45:30,360
longer lasting and more intense
experiences, both for yourself and your

491
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:35,960
This lover's guide is also for those who
worry about their ability to produce an

492
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:39,700
erection on cue, for others who would
like to prolong the experience for their

493
00:45:39,700 --> 00:45:43,560
own or their partner's pleasure, and for
yet others who are keen to try new

494
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:46,560
ideas to make their sex lives more
exciting and arousing.

495
00:45:47,900 --> 00:45:52,500
As with anything else, making things
better takes time, knowledge and

496
00:45:52,500 --> 00:45:57,180
commitment. In this most powerful and
exquisite area of human experience,

497
00:45:57,220 --> 00:45:59,960
though, the rewards can be well worth
the investment.

498
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:15,120
The male orgasm, unlike its female
equivalent, plays an integral part in

499
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:16,400
human reproductive process.

500
00:46:17,300 --> 00:46:22,820
Both women and men have muscular spasms
when they climax, but for the male, it's

501
00:46:22,820 --> 00:46:26,160
during his orgasm when the semen is
actually pumped out of the penis.

502
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:39,060
Very few men are incapable of cumming
and nearly always ejaculate during sex.

503
00:46:41,710 --> 00:46:44,250
No one really needs to ask them, did you
come?

504
00:46:51,210 --> 00:46:55,450
The problems men do have with orgasms,
though, are usually either to do with

505
00:46:55,450 --> 00:46:59,530
coming too soon, or difficulties in
achieving or maintaining an erection to

506
00:46:59,530 --> 00:47:00,530
begin with.

507
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:11,860
It may be because of the role of the
male orgasm in the reproductive process

508
00:47:11,860 --> 00:47:17,020
that men generally can and do come
quickly, whereas women usually take much

509
00:47:17,020 --> 00:47:18,020
longer.

510
00:47:30,540 --> 00:47:34,940
This time difference is one of the major
causes of frustration between lovers.

511
00:47:46,030 --> 00:47:50,610
Whilst in purely reproductive terms this
difference is irrelevant, when it comes

512
00:47:50,610 --> 00:47:54,870
to mutual pleasure, it's the cause of
many problems and misunderstandings.

513
00:48:04,750 --> 00:48:09,770
A man needs to learn to delay his orgasm
or spend time on other forms of

514
00:48:09,770 --> 00:48:13,470
arousing his partner if she's to reach a
climax during intercourse.

515
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:32,240
So what is an orgasm, biologically at
least?

516
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:37,640
Firstly, the penis becomes erect because
blood is pumped into its spongy tissue

517
00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:39,520
and restricted from flowing away.

518
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:45,480
From being a floppy urination system, it
now becomes a stiff organ, ready to

519
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:47,580
deliver semen deep into a woman's body.

520
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:53,720
The head, or glands, particularly where
it meets the shaft, contains a web of

521
00:48:53,720 --> 00:48:54,720
nerve ends.

522
00:48:55,560 --> 00:49:00,900
Continuing friction on these by hand,
mouth, Vagina, or whatever, will usually

523
00:49:00,900 --> 00:49:01,900
bring a male to climax.

524
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:08,140
Sometimes, a few drops of pre
-ejaculatory fluid will be produced.

525
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:13,580
As arousal increases, the heart rate
rises from its usual 70 or so beats per

526
00:49:13,580 --> 00:49:14,840
minute up to double that.

527
00:49:15,620 --> 00:49:20,260
A few men have a sex blush and
experience increased sensitivity in

528
00:49:20,260 --> 00:49:21,260
nipples.

529
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:24,980
The scrotum thickens and the testes are
drawn more closely to the body.

530
00:49:26,510 --> 00:49:30,830
Sweating, disproportionate to the
physical exertion involved, may also

531
00:49:30,830 --> 00:49:31,830
the muscles tense.

532
00:49:33,010 --> 00:49:37,710
If tension continues to mount, a point
of no return is reached in the process

533
00:49:37,710 --> 00:49:40,390
arousal, when reflex mechanisms take
over.

534
00:49:41,250 --> 00:49:45,790
From three or four seconds before and
during the climax itself, a man can do

535
00:49:45,790 --> 00:49:46,830
nothing but go with it.

536
00:49:47,710 --> 00:49:53,370
With poor control or a high level of
arousal, ejaculation can occur within 30

537
00:49:53,370 --> 00:49:54,430
seconds of erection.

538
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:57,320
though most men take an average of two
to three minutes.

539
00:49:57,920 --> 00:50:02,540
With good control, a man can delay his
orgasm for a very long time.

540
00:50:08,020 --> 00:50:13,260
There are three or four major
contractions of the muscles at about 0

541
00:50:13,260 --> 00:50:16,860
second apart, which then rapidly reduce
in frequency and power.

542
00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:22,740
The total amount of semen ejaculated is
usually just less than a teaspoonful.

543
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:28,460
It is the rhythmic contraction of the
muscles around the urethra and its walls

544
00:50:28,460 --> 00:50:32,500
being stretched by the volume of semen
passing through, which create the

545
00:50:32,500 --> 00:50:33,700
physical pleasure of coming.

546
00:50:36,220 --> 00:50:40,080
Once you've ejaculated, you may find
your penis becomes very sensitive,

547
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:41,960
preventing further stimulation.

548
00:50:43,340 --> 00:50:47,440
When this happens, it returns fairly
quickly to its flaccid state.

549
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:54,680
Self -stimulation is of course
physically harmless at any age.

550
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:59,420
Most boys at some stage learn the hard
way that playing with themselves in

551
00:50:59,420 --> 00:51:00,780
public is socially unacceptable.

552
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:05,240
This guilt can affect what should be a
happy private pleasure.

553
00:51:08,940 --> 00:51:13,140
Some may feel that their parents
disapprove of their sexual activity and

554
00:51:13,140 --> 00:51:15,860
masturbation can become a secretive,
furtive event.

555
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:21,050
And... Just as in primeval times, when
during sex the male was at his most

556
00:51:21,050 --> 00:51:24,670
vulnerable, so boys learn that it's
safer to ejaculate quickly.

557
00:51:32,510 --> 00:51:37,450
Even if a boy doesn't actually
masturbate, after puberty he'll

558
00:51:37,450 --> 00:51:39,690
dreams, ejaculation during sleep.

559
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:45,480
The speed at which males climax can
become a major problem when they move on

560
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:46,480
sexual relationships.

561
00:51:46,900 --> 00:51:49,880
But few women climax quickly during
intercourse.

562
00:51:50,540 --> 00:51:55,100
So to make relationships work on the
loving and sexual level, men have to go

563
00:51:55,100 --> 00:51:59,560
against the ingrained experiences of
biology and adolescence and learn the

564
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:01,920
of considerate lovemaking and delayed
orgasm.

565
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:09,460
The male hormone testosterone, which
also gives a man his aggression, creates

566
00:52:09,460 --> 00:52:14,660
his need for sex as a result in
adolescence his penis often seems to

567
00:52:14,660 --> 00:52:21,460
of its own even

568
00:52:21,460 --> 00:52:28,300
in adult

569
00:52:28,300 --> 00:52:31,840
life many men are ruled by the strength
of their sexual urges

570
00:52:37,110 --> 00:52:40,990
Sometimes, women fail to appreciate how
much their refusal can wound a man.

571
00:52:45,130 --> 00:52:48,450
Equally, his hurt and anger can cause
resentment in her.

572
00:52:49,230 --> 00:52:52,270
A vicious circle is then all too easily
established.

573
00:52:53,030 --> 00:52:57,390
Some women feel under pressure from
their partner to climax just to show he

574
00:52:57,390 --> 00:52:58,390
made it good for them.

575
00:52:58,930 --> 00:53:03,310
In order not to undermine him and to get
themselves off the hook, many women

576
00:53:03,310 --> 00:53:04,330
fake orgasms.

577
00:53:04,960 --> 00:53:09,360
But this starts a trail of sexual
dishonesty, which is frustrating for the

578
00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:12,500
and can be devastating for the man if he
ever has to face the truth.

579
00:53:19,060 --> 00:53:24,220
It should be clear by now that male
-female differences are complex, and

580
00:53:24,220 --> 00:53:27,760
we're to get the best out of orgasms, we
need to be aware of our biological

581
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:32,480
differences, of our background and
upbringing, and of what we currently do

582
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:33,540
the state of our relationship.

583
00:53:34,250 --> 00:53:39,510
Men need to try to understand their own
sexual character and then to make the

584
00:53:39,510 --> 00:53:43,590
effort to be in control of their own
arousal as well as developing their

585
00:53:43,590 --> 00:53:45,310
fully to arouse their partner.

586
00:53:55,890 --> 00:54:01,490
When I masturbated in my teens it was
all over very quickly.

587
00:54:01,950 --> 00:54:06,250
To me that was the sex act and it took
me a long time to realise how much more

588
00:54:06,250 --> 00:54:07,750
there was to it than that.

589
00:54:09,930 --> 00:54:14,650
It's surprising how many men complain
about their partner's sexual response

590
00:54:14,650 --> 00:54:17,670
yet have never really made an investment
in learning about their own.

591
00:54:18,650 --> 00:54:23,730
Men tend to feel that their attitude to
and desire for sex represents the norm

592
00:54:23,730 --> 00:54:28,370
and that their partner's desire for
perhaps less but better sex is in some

593
00:54:28,370 --> 00:54:29,370
odd.

594
00:54:29,710 --> 00:54:30,710
In fact...

595
00:54:30,890 --> 00:54:33,350
Most of us would do well to re -examine
our attitudes.

596
00:54:34,890 --> 00:54:39,530
Many men happily imagine that what they
currently experience is the best they

597
00:54:39,530 --> 00:54:40,530
are likely to have.

598
00:54:40,710 --> 00:54:44,590
But this ignores the enormous potential
there is in all of us for improvement.

599
00:54:47,710 --> 00:54:51,410
The first time I heard that old joke
about how can my wife tell I'm a bad

600
00:54:51,410 --> 00:54:52,770
in two minutes, I laughed.

601
00:54:53,210 --> 00:54:55,570
But inwardly I winced. That was me.

602
00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:08,300
The first step is to accept ourselves,
and in doing so, attempt to strengthen

603
00:55:08,300 --> 00:55:10,360
our fragile male sexual ego.

604
00:55:10,860 --> 00:55:14,140
For a start, some men lack confidence
about their bodies.

605
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:25,200
Many men consider themselves too short,
too fat, too puny, or whatever.

606
00:55:25,580 --> 00:55:29,780
But most women say they're far more
attracted by a man's personality than

607
00:55:29,780 --> 00:55:35,500
look. Even when they do consider
physical characteristics, eyes, smiles

608
00:55:35,500 --> 00:55:37,740
good -looking bum come way above general
physique.

609
00:55:41,380 --> 00:55:46,720
One of men's biggest worries about their
bodies is penis size.

610
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:50,100
According to women, though, this is
relatively unimportant.

611
00:55:57,230 --> 00:56:00,510
Most women say they're far more
impressed by how a man treats them.

612
00:56:00,910 --> 00:56:05,410
As lovers, they want to be kissed
excitingly, made to feel wanted and

613
00:56:11,030 --> 00:56:14,970
Even if you feel happy with your
orgasms, it's always worth going back to

614
00:56:14,970 --> 00:56:15,970
basics.

615
00:56:16,030 --> 00:56:20,790
Why not start afresh and rediscover your
erogenous responses with sensual body

616
00:56:20,790 --> 00:56:21,790
exercises?

617
00:56:30,350 --> 00:56:34,630
Start in the bath, and take time to
discover which parts of your body feel

618
00:56:46,330 --> 00:56:50,010
Some men find this task hard because
they think it's a somewhat city thing to

619
00:56:50,010 --> 00:56:53,450
do, but it's not, and frankly the
rewards can be tremendous.

620
00:57:02,090 --> 00:57:05,970
Keeping away from your genitals for the
moment, explore other erotically

621
00:57:05,970 --> 00:57:07,270
sensitive parts of your body.

622
00:57:13,970 --> 00:57:20,470
Your nipples, for example, chest,
stomach, inner thighs and forearms could

623
00:57:20,470 --> 00:57:23,570
be responsive to the stroking and other
facial stimuli.

624
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:38,560
Once you have experimented with these
exercises, try and find out what is best

625
00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:40,660
genitally, in or out of the bath.

626
00:57:43,620 --> 00:57:48,580
For most men, stimulating the penis
directly and having erotic thoughts is

627
00:57:48,580 --> 00:57:49,840
best route to arousal.

628
00:57:50,420 --> 00:57:53,800
But don't forget your balls, perineum
and anal area.

629
00:57:55,140 --> 00:58:00,300
This milk bottle hold is very
pleasurable for most men, though others

630
00:58:00,300 --> 00:58:02,100
sort of finger and thumb ring technique.

631
00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:07,700
Spend a lot of time on the frenum, the
little ridge of skin on the underside of

632
00:58:07,700 --> 00:58:08,700
the head.

633
00:58:09,700 --> 00:58:12,800
The position in which you masturbate
will be personal to you.

634
00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:17,480
It might vary as arousal proceeds, and
also from session to session.

635
00:58:19,760 --> 00:58:21,520
I can never come unless I'm upright.

636
00:58:22,140 --> 00:58:26,040
It all started in my teens, when I had
to come quickly at home, and I just got

637
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:27,040
into the habit.

638
00:58:28,480 --> 00:58:32,520
I love to lie on my back. In fact, this
is also my favourite position.

639
00:58:32,920 --> 00:58:33,920
For having sex.

640
00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:43,420
I love masturbating in the shower with
the water pouring over my penis.

641
00:58:44,060 --> 00:58:48,860
Playing the shower head over the tip
just as orgasm happens can really blow

642
00:58:48,860 --> 00:58:49,860
head off.

643
00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:54,220
Many men go straight for a quick orgasm
when they masturbate.

644
00:58:54,700 --> 00:58:58,220
If this is what you usually do, try
holding off for a change.

645
00:58:59,490 --> 00:59:03,050
Remember your sensual exercises and
stroke other parts of your body before

646
00:59:03,050 --> 00:59:04,170
starting to masturbate.

647
00:59:04,850 --> 00:59:09,030
Slow down the pace, or take a break and
stop stimulating yourself altogether.

648
00:59:10,250 --> 00:59:14,610
Try actively to hold off for as long as
you can before going for orgasm.

649
00:59:16,750 --> 00:59:20,710
As you become aware that you're about to
ejaculate, take your fingers and thumb

650
00:59:20,710 --> 00:59:22,650
like this and squeeze the penis tip
hard.

651
00:59:23,650 --> 00:59:26,030
This will stop your erection within a
few seconds.

652
00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:36,140
Once you're soft, create an erection
once more and then, just before you feel

653
00:59:36,140 --> 00:59:38,580
you're about to cum, stop and squeeze
again.

654
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:44,100
Repeat this cycle several times so that
eventually, over some weeks perhaps,

655
00:59:44,380 --> 00:59:46,740
you'll be able to ejaculate only when
you want to.

656
00:59:48,440 --> 00:59:51,320
You can also get your partner to learn
how to do business.

657
01:00:03,400 --> 01:00:07,000
Another method for learning control is
to make the penis very wet with

658
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:09,520
commercial lubricant, and then to repeat
the process.

659
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:15,080
The wetter the penis, the more easily
aroused you'll feel, so you'll need even

660
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:16,080
greater control.

661
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:21,580
If you train yourself to delay cumming
for, say, 20 minutes, even when your

662
01:00:21,580 --> 01:00:26,280
penis is very wet, you'll not only
enhance your own orgasm, but will be

663
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:27,660
give extra pleasure to your lover.

664
01:00:28,980 --> 01:00:32,100
For the very trigger -happy man, a
condom can be a help.

665
01:00:32,970 --> 01:00:36,890
It simply makes the penis less sensitive
and allows longer stimulation before

666
01:00:36,890 --> 01:00:42,070
ejaculation. At various times, and
particularly as men grow older, there

667
01:00:42,070 --> 01:00:44,530
difficulties in achieving a fully
stiffened penis.

668
01:00:45,390 --> 01:00:50,730
Sometimes an initially strong erection
starts to fade, either because you're

669
01:00:50,730 --> 01:00:54,310
distracted or else there is insufficient
or the wrong sort of stimulation.

670
01:00:57,040 --> 01:01:01,240
Because so much male sexual arousal
starts in the mind, developing your

671
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:02,460
fantasies is really important.

672
01:01:04,020 --> 01:01:07,940
If you can build a good selection and
focus on them to the point of blanking

673
01:01:07,940 --> 01:01:11,700
any negative thoughts and worries, then
you'll usually be able to become

674
01:01:11,700 --> 01:01:12,700
aroused.

675
01:01:14,040 --> 01:01:17,240
Allow your mind the freedom to come up
with images that excite you.

676
01:01:18,240 --> 01:01:22,340
Learn to develop them into full -blown
fantasy situations that you can get lost

677
01:01:22,340 --> 01:01:27,300
in. Your fantasies belong only to you,
and no one need ever know about them.

678
01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:31,180
They are your tools for arousal. Don't
be afraid to use them.

679
01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:36,480
If you don't usually go in for
fantasies, try using an erotic magazine

680
01:01:36,480 --> 01:01:38,800
starting point, or read a sexy story.

681
01:01:41,620 --> 01:01:46,020
As with all masturbation training, the
secret is to take your time, to be

682
01:01:46,020 --> 01:01:50,320
adventurous, and to keep on
experimenting until you're able to

683
01:01:50,320 --> 01:01:51,320
possible orgasms.

684
01:01:56,490 --> 01:01:59,870
In the next section, we'll look at how a
willing partner can help too.

685
01:02:10,490 --> 01:02:14,550
Just as most people are coming to
realise that the best sex is to be found

686
01:02:14,550 --> 01:02:18,750
within a loving and committed
relationship, so too does it involve

687
01:02:18,750 --> 01:02:19,970
equality between partners.

688
01:02:20,850 --> 01:02:24,330
I achieve greatest satisfaction when I
know my partner is getting equal

689
01:02:24,330 --> 01:02:26,190
pleasure. and reaches her climax.

690
01:02:26,910 --> 01:02:31,390
I've only been able to get to this level
of fulfillment in a long and secure

691
01:02:31,390 --> 01:02:32,390
relationship.

692
01:02:34,110 --> 01:02:39,530
Ideally, initiating sex, taking the lead
and sharing the spotlight should be an

693
01:02:39,530 --> 01:02:40,530
equal responsibility.

694
01:02:48,930 --> 01:02:52,510
But men often feel that this burden in
sex lies with them.

695
01:02:53,160 --> 01:02:55,920
then it's up to them to ask for or
suggest it.

696
01:02:56,460 --> 01:03:00,640
This means opening themselves up to the
lottery of acceptance or rejection.

697
01:03:01,660 --> 01:03:06,080
Although most men are more quickly
orgasmic than women, they're often less

698
01:03:06,080 --> 01:03:10,760
together as human beings, less in tune
with their own feelings, less able to

699
01:03:10,760 --> 01:03:14,060
express them and less intuitive about
the feelings and needs of others.

700
01:03:14,440 --> 01:03:19,660
But men, too, are deeply in need of the
emotional rewards of lovemaking, not

701
01:03:19,660 --> 01:03:20,660
just the physical ones.

702
01:03:22,240 --> 01:03:26,880
So, when we feel an urgent desire to
have sex, and our partner doesn't feel

703
01:03:26,880 --> 01:03:31,620
same, instead of feeling hurt and
resentful at a refusal, it could well be

704
01:03:31,620 --> 01:03:33,180
better to go for a chat and a cuddle.

705
01:03:35,700 --> 01:03:39,960
If you are insistent with your partner,
she may respond only because of the

706
01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:41,940
pressure, not because she wants to.

707
01:03:42,600 --> 01:03:46,480
Although it seems that you're getting
what you want, it's likely to leave you

708
01:03:46,480 --> 01:03:49,740
feeling guilty, dissatisfied and
frustrated, let alone her.

709
01:03:50,640 --> 01:03:55,180
Good lovemaking is impossible under
these circumstances, and the resentment

710
01:03:55,180 --> 01:03:59,060
partner feels might carry over to your
life together outside the bedroom.

711
01:04:00,400 --> 01:04:05,440
Good orgasms with a partner rely on the
emotional give and take being as right

712
01:04:05,440 --> 01:04:06,440
as the physical.

713
01:04:06,660 --> 01:04:10,420
The only way to be really sure that you
and your lover are sexually in tune with

714
01:04:10,420 --> 01:04:14,360
one another and operating on the same
wavelength is to talk and listen.

715
01:04:21,580 --> 01:04:26,240
It's all too easy for men to assume that
if they are having satisfying orgasms,

716
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:27,580
their partner is as well.

717
01:04:28,460 --> 01:04:32,200
Women can often be too embarrassed to
tell a lover it's not happening for

718
01:04:32,320 --> 01:04:34,280
especially if it's a long -term problem.

719
01:04:35,100 --> 01:04:39,160
Let's face it, most men can't tell the
difference between a real and a fake

720
01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:42,080
orgasm in a woman, and some don't even
ask the question.

721
01:04:42,620 --> 01:04:46,900
I used to tell myself, you can always
tell, if it's been good for me, it's

722
01:04:46,900 --> 01:04:47,859
good for her.

723
01:04:47,860 --> 01:04:51,170
I was really shocked when after a year
of sleeping together, She told me she'd

724
01:04:51,170 --> 01:04:52,730
come for the first time making love with
me.

725
01:04:56,870 --> 01:05:01,270
If you can tell her what's good for you,
it will be much easier for her to

726
01:05:01,270 --> 01:05:02,350
discuss things with you.

727
01:05:02,890 --> 01:05:07,450
Your verbal guidance will also reassure
her that he's doing the right thing and

728
01:05:07,450 --> 01:05:08,450
give her confidence.

729
01:05:09,590 --> 01:05:12,990
This could easily lead into talking sexy
as a turn -on in itself.

730
01:05:13,850 --> 01:05:18,430
Most men find it highly arousing if
their otherwise nice partner starts to

731
01:05:18,430 --> 01:05:19,490
dirty during lovemaking.

732
01:05:21,610 --> 01:05:25,710
I once had a girlfriend who sometimes
used to say filthy things to me while we

733
01:05:25,710 --> 01:05:26,710
were making love.

734
01:05:27,030 --> 01:05:30,290
She used to tell me all about her
favourite fantasies, which shocked me at

735
01:05:30,290 --> 01:05:33,070
first, but I suppose that made it more
pleasurable.

736
01:05:36,770 --> 01:05:37,770
Stop it!

737
01:05:39,690 --> 01:05:43,010
Most men are highly aroused by visual
stimuli.

738
01:05:43,850 --> 01:05:47,590
As with the fantasy images that you've
worked on alone, let the sight of your

739
01:05:47,590 --> 01:05:50,490
real -life lover feed your excitement in
the same way.

740
01:05:54,960 --> 01:06:00,160
Whether she enjoys dressing up, dressing
down, acting sexy or not, you can take

741
01:06:00,160 --> 01:06:02,840
delight in seeing her naked or partly
clothed.

742
01:06:09,200 --> 01:06:13,540
Build up the erotic responses you feel
from watching her body movements, skin,

743
01:06:13,700 --> 01:06:15,180
curves and hair.

744
01:06:18,160 --> 01:06:23,000
Try to take added gratification from her
body aromas, the feel of her skin and

745
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:24,000
the touch of her hair.

746
01:06:24,590 --> 01:06:28,550
The more sensible enjoyment you can be
aware of, the stronger the feelings

747
01:06:28,550 --> 01:06:30,610
you'll create to be released at orgasm.

748
01:06:31,970 --> 01:06:37,290
You may find that if she'll kiss, suck,
hold or squeeze your nipples, this will

749
01:06:37,290 --> 01:06:38,290
greatly turn you on.

750
01:06:38,970 --> 01:06:43,150
Some men enjoy having their nipples
gently bitten, especially at the moment

751
01:06:43,150 --> 01:06:44,150
climax.

752
01:06:52,680 --> 01:06:56,500
She may respond to your showing more
obviously that you are turned on by her,

753
01:06:56,620 --> 01:06:58,840
and then want to do the same for you.

754
01:06:59,740 --> 01:07:04,120
If you think you can do it without
feeling foolish, try stripping for her

755
01:07:04,120 --> 01:07:05,120
while she watches.

756
01:07:05,760 --> 01:07:07,440
Correct yourself in front of her.

757
01:07:08,500 --> 01:07:12,200
If I slowly stroke my penis in front of
her, it has a great effect.

758
01:07:12,800 --> 01:07:16,080
She almost comes watching me touch
myself in this way.

759
01:07:16,660 --> 01:07:21,820
A few men also enjoy a vibrator on their
penis, especially over the frenum.

760
01:07:22,650 --> 01:07:26,650
See if it is something you would like
and your lover would like to do for you.

761
01:07:28,530 --> 01:07:31,790
Of course, you are the ultimate expert
on your own arousal.

762
01:07:32,350 --> 01:07:36,010
Being caressed while you masturbate
yourself can be a huge turn -on.

763
01:07:37,010 --> 01:07:41,330
If she watches you while you masturbate,
your partner will also learn how you

764
01:07:41,330 --> 01:07:42,330
like it to be done.

765
01:07:42,970 --> 01:07:46,370
Everyone has their preferred grip,
speed, pressure and so on.

766
01:07:47,630 --> 01:07:52,130
Show your appreciation when she
masturbates you with noises, movements

767
01:07:52,550 --> 01:07:56,590
If you want her to do things
differently, positive comments will give

768
01:07:56,590 --> 01:07:57,590
confidence.

769
01:07:58,510 --> 01:08:03,150
Watching her masturbate while you do the
same can be tremendously exciting and

770
01:08:03,150 --> 01:08:05,390
produces great orgasms for many men.

771
01:08:11,300 --> 01:08:13,520
Most men enjoy receiving oral sex.

772
01:08:13,780 --> 01:08:18,359
Indeed, many say that this is the best
way they get aroused and that it

773
01:08:18,359 --> 01:08:19,819
the most sensational orgasms.

774
01:08:20,439 --> 01:08:24,580
It can also be wonderful visual
stimulation to see your partner taking

775
01:08:24,580 --> 01:08:25,580
her mouth like this.

776
01:08:26,319 --> 01:08:29,840
But men do not have the absolute right
to receive oral sex.

777
01:08:30,140 --> 01:08:33,899
If your lover doesn't want to do this,
it's unwise to demand it.

778
01:08:34,319 --> 01:08:37,899
The first time wasn't actually that
good, but I told her it was great.

779
01:08:38,540 --> 01:08:41,279
After that, she couldn't give me enough,
and now she's just brilliant.

780
01:08:51,720 --> 01:08:56,520
Though often called sucking off, actual
sucking is only one form of enjoyable

781
01:08:56,520 --> 01:08:57,520
stimulation.

782
01:08:58,040 --> 01:09:02,300
She can apply hard pressure by covering
her teeth with her lips and gripping the

783
01:09:02,300 --> 01:09:06,439
shaft. She can roll her tongue around
the head and explore the opening.

784
01:09:07,760 --> 01:09:11,920
You'll probably particularly enjoy her
concentrating on the freedom, which she

785
01:09:11,920 --> 01:09:12,939
can flick and strum.

786
01:09:17,020 --> 01:09:21,359
Her kissing and licking your balls, even
taking them gently in her mouth, is

787
01:09:21,359 --> 01:09:22,359
also very pleasurable.

788
01:09:27,640 --> 01:09:30,180
If she's happy for you to come in her
mouth, fine.

789
01:09:30,540 --> 01:09:32,500
If not, you can ejaculate outside.

790
01:09:33,710 --> 01:09:37,330
If you're gentle with her, it may be
something she can eventually get a taste

791
01:09:37,330 --> 01:09:38,330
for.

792
01:09:40,510 --> 01:09:44,590
You can use what you have learnt from
each other in mutual masturbation and

793
01:09:44,590 --> 01:09:47,609
sex and apply it to the famous 69
position.

794
01:09:48,529 --> 01:09:52,950
Whilst this remains highly popular, it
requires a degree of control you may not

795
01:09:52,950 --> 01:09:57,050
want when reaching climax to make sure
you don't inadvertently bite one

796
01:09:58,060 --> 01:10:02,620
You might find it more enjoyable to take
it in turns to climax, not try and come

797
01:10:02,620 --> 01:10:03,620
together.

798
01:10:08,320 --> 01:10:10,860
A man, just like a woman, has a G -spot.

799
01:10:14,760 --> 01:10:18,500
The best position to find it is for him
to lie on his back with his legs drawn

800
01:10:18,500 --> 01:10:19,500
up.

801
01:10:19,600 --> 01:10:23,900
The woman can now insert a well
-lubricated finger into his anus and

802
01:10:23,900 --> 01:10:26,300
his prostate gland in the front wall of
the back passage.

803
01:10:27,310 --> 01:10:30,270
It feels somewhat like the tip of a
nose, but rather larger.

804
01:10:31,130 --> 01:10:35,390
Pressing on this gland and firmly
stroking it with a finger is highly

805
01:10:35,490 --> 01:10:38,210
whatever you or she is doing with your
penis.

806
01:10:38,710 --> 01:10:41,490
But a combination of the two can be a
mind -blowing experience.

807
01:10:42,710 --> 01:10:47,250
Just be sure beforehand that you've
washed, that she has short fingernails,

808
01:10:47,250 --> 01:10:48,550
that there's plenty of lubrication.

809
01:10:56,360 --> 01:11:00,180
The penis is a fickle organ that can be
put off its stride very easily.

810
01:11:00,740 --> 01:11:04,840
Should you suffer minor erection
problems, then willingness on the part

811
01:11:04,840 --> 01:11:08,600
lover to stimulate you manually and
orally usually does the trick.

812
01:11:09,240 --> 01:11:13,100
Even with more persistent erection
difficulties, your lover can help.

813
01:11:14,740 --> 01:11:18,060
The main thing is not to get into a
vicious circle of worry.

814
01:11:19,120 --> 01:11:22,240
Even with an unerect penis, you may be
able to have sex.

815
01:11:23,530 --> 01:11:27,730
By holding the shaft close to her
aroused vagina, it's possible to push

816
01:11:27,730 --> 01:11:28,730
floppy penis in.

817
01:11:29,150 --> 01:11:32,190
Once there, it's amazing how often an
erection will occur.

818
01:11:32,730 --> 01:11:36,890
If not, it's actually possible for a
limp or semi -erect penis to ejaculate.

819
01:11:44,270 --> 01:11:49,070
If being unable to perform, having an
erection and reaching a climax, is a

820
01:11:49,070 --> 01:11:53,030
to you, then that very anxiety can
become a significant problem.

821
01:12:00,970 --> 01:12:05,450
It can all too easily happen that one
night you're a little tired or have had

822
01:12:05,450 --> 01:12:07,970
too much to drink and fail to get an
erection.

823
01:12:14,160 --> 01:12:15,160
No big deal.

824
01:12:17,120 --> 01:12:22,120
But the next time, you may be tired
again and fail again, and the memory of

825
01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:26,400
first links with the second, and you
start to associate your attempt to

826
01:12:26,400 --> 01:12:27,400
with failure.

827
01:12:27,820 --> 01:12:33,180
This increasing anxiety will now not
just intensify your fear of failure, but

828
01:12:33,180 --> 01:12:34,340
will actually create it.

829
01:12:45,740 --> 01:12:50,100
If you sometimes wake up with an
erection, and men spend quite a lot of a

830
01:12:50,100 --> 01:12:54,420
night sleep erect, and if you're able to
masturbate yourself to orgasm, then

831
01:12:54,420 --> 01:12:58,240
performance failure in lovemaking is
psychological, and there are ways you

832
01:12:58,240 --> 01:12:59,240
help yourself.

833
01:13:00,440 --> 01:13:04,780
The more you can actually do it, the
more any anxieties or psychological

834
01:13:04,780 --> 01:13:09,220
barriers will recede, and a positive
cycle of achievement will start to build

835
01:13:09,220 --> 01:13:10,220
in your mind.

836
01:13:11,100 --> 01:13:12,900
Above all, don't worry.

837
01:13:13,320 --> 01:13:16,620
A sexual problem isn't a problem unless
one of you is unhappy.

838
01:13:24,940 --> 01:13:29,260
There is no particular lovemaking
position guaranteed to ensure better

839
01:13:31,340 --> 01:13:35,900
The unique combination of the anatomy of
you and your lover will dictate what

840
01:13:35,900 --> 01:13:36,980
you both like best.

841
01:13:37,960 --> 01:13:41,940
With you on top, you may find it easier
to control the speed and rhythm

842
01:13:41,940 --> 01:13:42,940
yourself.

843
01:13:45,520 --> 01:13:50,420
But with your partner on top, you may
find you enjoy giving over control to

844
01:13:51,040 --> 01:13:54,520
For some men, this brings about their
best orgasms.

845
01:13:57,700 --> 01:14:02,420
I sometimes feel a bit odd about her
being in control when she's on top. But

846
01:14:02,420 --> 01:14:05,180
love to be able to play with her boobs
and watch her face.

847
01:14:05,440 --> 01:14:08,360
And seeing her go up and down on my
prick is a real talent.

848
01:14:14,230 --> 01:14:18,190
Lying on your side is another good
position in which you can see and

849
01:14:18,190 --> 01:14:21,910
with your lover face to face while still
being able to control the thrust.

850
01:14:28,410 --> 01:14:33,130
Many men say that deep penetration
especially turns them on and results in

851
01:14:33,130 --> 01:14:34,130
orgasms.

852
01:14:34,630 --> 01:14:37,010
If this applies to you, try this.

853
01:14:37,750 --> 01:14:41,050
You can both control the depth by the
position of her legs.

854
01:14:41,850 --> 01:14:44,920
The more they are drawn back, the deeper
you'll be able to go.

855
01:14:45,940 --> 01:14:48,760
Try it with her legs over your shoulders
if she can manage it.

856
01:14:55,580 --> 01:14:58,280
Doggy positions are also good for deep
penetration.

857
01:14:59,560 --> 01:15:05,060
You are also in complete control of
rhythm and speed, but be careful not to

858
01:15:05,060 --> 01:15:06,220
her by thrusting too deeply.

859
01:15:07,300 --> 01:15:11,820
Few women climax from penis and vagina
thrusting without additional clitoral

860
01:15:11,820 --> 01:15:12,820
stimulation.

861
01:15:12,990 --> 01:15:17,330
So it makes sense to alternate between
your favourite positions and those which

862
01:15:17,330 --> 01:15:19,130
your partner finds to be the most
stimulating.

863
01:15:20,190 --> 01:15:24,750
You could try to bring her to orgasm
first, thereby taking the pressure off

864
01:15:24,750 --> 01:15:26,690
to keep going on for longer than you may
want.

865
01:15:27,650 --> 01:15:32,970
The main thing when exploring the
secrets of better orgasms together is to

866
01:15:32,970 --> 01:15:36,390
ways of communicating with one another
about what turns you on.

867
01:15:37,200 --> 01:15:41,240
The more you can let her know what you
need, whilst demonstrating how much you

868
01:15:41,240 --> 01:15:45,180
care about her feelings and pleasure,
the more she'll enjoy helping you.

869
01:15:46,140 --> 01:15:50,980
This kind of sexual togetherness, as it
blossoms in openness, honesty and trust,

870
01:15:51,180 --> 01:15:54,100
can only help deepen and enrich your
relationship.

871
01:15:54,820 --> 01:15:59,520
And, as you grow in the fulfilment of
your own needs, you will be growing as a

872
01:15:59,520 --> 01:16:00,520
couple.

873
01:17:03,870 --> 01:17:08,550
Many couples enjoy adding to their
excitement by playing games of various

874
01:17:09,070 --> 01:17:14,090
It could be said that all love play
between two people is a sort of game,

875
01:17:14,090 --> 01:17:17,110
which both know the rules and agree to
abide by them.

876
01:17:18,370 --> 01:17:22,530
My boyfriend's really into sex games,
but I must admit I always thought he was

877
01:17:22,530 --> 01:17:28,090
bit tacky. But once or twice I agreed to
go along with him, and I must say it

878
01:17:28,090 --> 01:17:29,230
can be a turn -on.

879
01:17:33,160 --> 01:17:35,860
Dressing up games must be one of the
most popular.

880
01:17:36,860 --> 01:17:42,660
When you think about it, in everyday
life we all play dressing games, for

881
01:17:42,720 --> 01:17:44,140
for parties and so on.

882
01:17:45,220 --> 01:17:49,660
In a sexual relationship, these dressing
up games can take many forms.

883
01:17:50,320 --> 01:17:55,800
You can go for theatrical costumes if
you like, doctors, nurses, vicars and

884
01:17:55,800 --> 01:17:59,740
nuns, butlers and French maids, or
whatever takes your fancy.

885
01:18:01,680 --> 01:18:05,640
Part of the fun of dressing up is, of
course, subsequent undressing.

886
01:18:06,060 --> 01:18:09,780
A more formal striptease can be great if
you are both in the mood.

887
01:18:10,180 --> 01:18:12,160
It's a good opportunity to show off.

888
01:18:13,960 --> 01:18:17,340
Sexy underwear can be a real turn -on
for both partners.

889
01:18:25,560 --> 01:18:30,720
Erotic massage is the really arousing
version of sensual and relaxing massage.

890
01:18:34,670 --> 01:18:39,570
Let yourselves go with talcum powder,
oil or anything that allows you to rub

891
01:18:39,570 --> 01:18:41,150
your bodies all over one another.

892
01:18:42,050 --> 01:18:45,310
Anything goes in heightening the
pleasure for both of you.

893
01:18:48,110 --> 01:18:52,150
Massage each other all over the areas
that produce the very best sensations.

894
01:18:53,550 --> 01:18:58,090
The genitals themselves are of course
the biggest pleasure center, but the

895
01:18:58,090 --> 01:19:03,530
creative lover teases and explores all
around the area, including the perineum,

896
01:19:03,550 --> 01:19:06,730
that bridge of sensitive skin behind the
genitals.

897
01:19:07,030 --> 01:19:12,370
This kind of erotic massage can be the
starter in a wonderful lovemaking

898
01:19:12,370 --> 01:19:15,430
and lead on to tremendous orgasms.

899
01:19:19,250 --> 01:19:23,710
Seduction games always come near the top
of the list of really good ways to

900
01:19:23,710 --> 01:19:24,710
arouse one another.

901
01:19:26,010 --> 01:19:30,890
Games in which one makes the other do
whatever is commanded can be a real turn

902
01:19:30,890 --> 01:19:31,890
-off.

903
01:19:32,690 --> 01:19:38,110
When he has done exactly what he is
told, she rewards him with sex, having

904
01:19:38,110 --> 01:19:39,110
him wait for it.

905
01:19:41,970 --> 01:19:45,130
Bondage is also something many couples
find arousing.

906
01:19:45,730 --> 01:19:50,570
Do ensure, though, in any tying up
games, that nothing is put around the

907
01:19:50,770 --> 01:19:55,270
nothing restricts breathing, and that
you are very clear about signals when to

908
01:19:55,270 --> 01:19:56,270
stop.

909
01:20:00,050 --> 01:20:04,570
I never thought I'd enjoy being tied up,
but we were mucking about one day and

910
01:20:04,570 --> 01:20:05,970
she tied my wrists and ankles.

911
01:20:06,630 --> 01:20:10,510
I don't know why, but it was just great
being powerless for a change.

912
01:20:15,020 --> 01:20:19,420
It used to be said that such games were
more of a turn -on for men, but this

913
01:20:19,420 --> 01:20:20,420
isn't the case.

914
01:20:20,720 --> 01:20:24,940
Many women are very aroused even by the
thought of having this kind of fun with

915
01:20:24,940 --> 01:20:25,940
their man.

916
01:20:26,440 --> 01:20:31,260
Many people say that seeing their
partner this uninhibited really excites

917
01:20:38,400 --> 01:20:43,120
Of course, if a sexy game doesn't
increase pleasure, then it's not worth

918
01:20:43,120 --> 01:20:44,120
playing.

919
01:20:44,520 --> 01:20:49,320
If one of you is shy or embarrassed, it
could take some time to get used to the

920
01:20:49,320 --> 01:20:51,780
high levels of arousal these games can
produce.

921
01:20:52,920 --> 01:20:57,240
Their supposed naughtiness can put
people off, but it shouldn't.

922
01:21:02,180 --> 01:21:07,340
Start gently with whatever game you
decide to try, and build up to become

923
01:21:07,340 --> 01:21:10,100
adventurous as you both discover what
you like.

924
01:21:10,640 --> 01:21:15,360
At first we just started talking about
sexy games, you know, sort of sharing

925
01:21:15,360 --> 01:21:19,800
fantasies. But then we thought maybe
trying out the real thing would be even

926
01:21:19,800 --> 01:21:20,599
more fun.

927
01:21:20,600 --> 01:21:21,600
And it was.

928
01:21:23,000 --> 01:21:27,880
Be guided by your feelings and those of
your lover, and you won't go far wrong.

929
01:21:28,920 --> 01:21:33,180
Such games are harmless fun, and as long
as they don't become an obsession,

930
01:21:33,580 --> 01:21:36,700
they'll simply enhance your sexual
pleasure and enjoyment.

931
01:21:51,880 --> 01:21:56,740
Fancy condoms, some incorporating
supposed clitoral and cervical

932
01:21:56,900 --> 01:21:58,380
are currently in vogue.

933
01:21:58,740 --> 01:22:02,140
They seem to be better for a laugh,
though, than for sexual effect.

934
01:22:04,080 --> 01:22:09,440
Obviously intended for fun are these
flavoured condoms. You could play lick

935
01:22:09,440 --> 01:22:10,440
guess safely.

936
01:22:12,140 --> 01:22:16,760
Or with a trusted partner, try the
flavours direct without the condom.

937
01:22:19,180 --> 01:22:22,740
I think fromage frais is brilliant
because it's not too sweet or sticky.

938
01:22:29,940 --> 01:22:33,760
Using food to increase pleasure can be
fun as well as tasty.

939
01:22:38,440 --> 01:22:43,540
Foods such as yogurt, fromage frais and
honey, very sticky, can all provide

940
01:22:43,540 --> 01:22:47,840
tactile as well as oral sensations that
can heighten the sensual experience.

941
01:22:55,920 --> 01:22:59,040
Slightly melting ice cubes are a less
messy alternative.

942
01:22:59,660 --> 01:23:03,460
Try trailing them slowly over your
partner's naked body.

943
01:23:07,720 --> 01:23:12,940
When he runs ice cubes across my skin,
especially my nipples, it really turns

944
01:23:12,940 --> 01:23:15,460
on and I get shivers all over.

945
01:23:21,640 --> 01:23:26,260
There is now a vast array of sex toys,
available by mail order and from sex

946
01:23:26,260 --> 01:23:29,260
shops, which you may enjoy experimenting
with together.

947
01:23:30,840 --> 01:23:36,300
The dildo is a more penis -shaped, latex
-covered, non -vibrating version of the

948
01:23:36,300 --> 01:23:41,080
vibrator, and is great for those women
who enjoy the sensation of something

949
01:23:41,080 --> 01:23:44,840
inside them during masturbation or
foreplay with their partner.

950
01:23:48,000 --> 01:23:51,280
Another stimulating device is this set
of love balls.

951
01:23:52,160 --> 01:23:56,620
Inserted in the vagina, they can bring a
thrill to such activities as walking to

952
01:23:56,620 --> 01:23:58,540
the station or doing the housework.

953
01:24:01,280 --> 01:24:02,660
This is a cock ring.

954
01:24:02,980 --> 01:24:05,080
It fits around the base of the penis.

955
01:24:05,640 --> 01:24:11,160
It allows the penis to fill with blood,
but restricts blood outflow, resulting

956
01:24:11,160 --> 01:24:13,340
in a larger than average erection.

957
01:24:14,740 --> 01:24:17,280
Be careful not to fit it too tightly,
though.

958
01:24:17,660 --> 01:24:20,760
Or you might end up a very embarrassed
casualty patient.

959
01:24:23,400 --> 01:24:27,660
This rather interesting looking device
is a clitoral stimulator.

960
01:24:28,240 --> 01:24:32,220
Most women who have tried them say they
are rather more uncomfortable than

961
01:24:32,220 --> 01:24:34,320
stimulating. But see what you think.

962
01:24:35,960 --> 01:24:39,980
Many couples enjoy using their camcorder
to video their sessions.

963
01:24:40,680 --> 01:24:44,000
They say it's extremely erotic
performing for the camera.

964
01:24:44,510 --> 01:24:49,290
and that watching their activities later
on is much more exciting than any X

965
01:24:49,290 --> 01:24:50,570
-rated film could be.

966
01:24:54,790 --> 01:24:57,670
But sex isn't just a bodily experience.

967
01:24:58,170 --> 01:25:02,110
It often starts in and is usually
maintained by the mind.

968
01:25:10,410 --> 01:25:14,750
People are sometimes ashamed or guilty
about the raunchiness of their private

969
01:25:14,750 --> 01:25:16,010
sexual fantasies.

970
01:25:17,750 --> 01:25:22,930
The truth is we all use fantasy in our
love lives, even if we only do so

971
01:25:22,930 --> 01:25:23,930
unconsciously.

972
01:25:24,990 --> 01:25:29,430
Improving the quality and excitement of
your fantasies can help develop your sex

973
01:25:29,430 --> 01:25:30,430
life.

974
01:25:32,490 --> 01:25:37,150
I think people probably are afraid of
discussing fantasies because they think

975
01:25:37,150 --> 01:25:38,550
one else has thoughts like them.

976
01:25:42,700 --> 01:25:46,380
I love to hear what his fantasies are,
as long as he goes gently at first.

977
01:25:46,900 --> 01:25:50,480
I used to worry that he'd actually want
to act them out, but now I know that

978
01:25:50,480 --> 01:25:52,840
that's not what it's about, and we just
use them as a turn -on.

979
01:25:59,640 --> 01:26:04,500
The level of anyone's arousal can be
vastly increased just by switching to a

980
01:26:04,500 --> 01:26:05,500
better fantasy.

981
01:26:06,200 --> 01:26:11,580
In pacing sex, if you want to try to
come together, Either person can often

982
01:26:11,580 --> 01:26:15,720
bring themselves to a higher state of
arousal by thinking of a particularly

983
01:26:15,720 --> 01:26:17,100
exciting fantasy.

984
01:26:22,420 --> 01:26:27,320
But never share a fantasy that you think
might offend or hurt your partner.

985
01:26:28,060 --> 01:26:31,980
Whether or not you eventually choose to
have fun acting out any of your

986
01:26:31,980 --> 01:26:33,900
fantasies will be up to you of course.

987
01:26:35,400 --> 01:26:39,930
But just because we share something in
this way doesn't mean that we have to do

988
01:26:39,930 --> 01:26:40,930
it in real life.

989
01:26:50,650 --> 01:26:55,510
If I fantasize or she fantasizes, we're
not scared to ask each other or act it

990
01:26:55,510 --> 01:26:56,510
out.

991
01:27:00,870 --> 01:27:04,650
As long as we're not harming anyone and
as long as we're both enjoying it,

992
01:27:04,710 --> 01:27:05,710
what's the problem?

993
01:27:08,140 --> 01:27:12,820
Don't be afraid to try out new things
together, but don't take it too

994
01:27:14,180 --> 01:27:18,560
Included here are only a handful of
suggestions for spicing up your

995
01:27:18,560 --> 01:27:19,560
sessions.

996
01:27:24,480 --> 01:27:30,780
The most important thing is that you
have fun while trying any of them out.

997
01:27:47,370 --> 01:27:51,730
In today's world, it's very rare that
the first person you have a relationship

998
01:27:51,730 --> 01:27:54,110
with will become a lifelong partner.

999
01:27:57,690 --> 01:28:03,330
Conversely, many so -called stable
relationships end with amicable or not

1000
01:28:03,330 --> 01:28:04,730
-amicable separations.

1001
01:28:05,650 --> 01:28:11,290
Some people prefer not to have emotional
ties at all, drifting in and out of

1002
01:28:11,290 --> 01:28:14,090
purely physical relationships for much
of their lives.

1003
01:28:17,070 --> 01:28:21,790
Whatever the reason for being single and
whatever state of mind you might be in

1004
01:28:21,790 --> 01:28:26,370
during that time, there comes a moment
when a potential relationship blossoms.

1005
01:28:28,150 --> 01:28:32,830
When this is between two people who are
attracted to each other, it's probable

1006
01:28:32,830 --> 01:28:35,110
that sex will come high on the agenda.

1007
01:28:36,190 --> 01:28:40,410
This might be on a first date or after
quite a time of courtship.

1008
01:28:42,510 --> 01:28:43,690
Whatever the circumstances,

1009
01:28:44,510 --> 01:28:48,470
make sure it's what you want and not
what you feel you should be doing.

1010
01:28:49,530 --> 01:28:54,350
Saying no will not harm your chances of
an ongoing relationship unless you're

1011
01:28:54,350 --> 01:28:56,370
saying no to an uncaring person.

1012
01:28:58,970 --> 01:29:03,590
When the time to make love for the first
time arrives, it's bound to be a bit

1013
01:29:03,590 --> 01:29:04,590
nerve -wracking.

1014
01:29:04,810 --> 01:29:09,970
But provided it's what you both want,
you should be able to overcome any tense

1015
01:29:09,970 --> 01:29:10,970
moment.

1016
01:29:13,100 --> 01:29:17,820
Don't forget you are totally new to each
other physically, so it's probably wise

1017
01:29:17,820 --> 01:29:20,200
not to raise your expectations too high.

1018
01:29:23,440 --> 01:29:28,760
With anyone who seems at all likely to
become an ongoing lover, it makes sense

1019
01:29:28,760 --> 01:29:31,000
to go gently towards intercourse.

1020
01:29:31,720 --> 01:29:36,860
By dashing headlong into sex, we miss
out on a whole phase of courtship.

1021
01:29:37,720 --> 01:29:41,840
Some people, even today, still fall in
love too easily.

1022
01:29:42,380 --> 01:29:44,180
confusing love with lust.

1023
01:29:45,940 --> 01:29:50,500
This can often be an unconscious way of
giving themselves permission to have sex

1024
01:29:50,500 --> 01:29:52,460
when otherwise they might not.

1025
01:29:53,920 --> 01:29:59,040
Those who are looking only for a good
time usually just want sex, not a

1026
01:29:59,040 --> 01:30:00,040
meaningful relationship.

1027
01:30:01,420 --> 01:30:06,160
If this is honestly agreed between two
adults, then who is to say it's wrong?

1028
01:30:11,200 --> 01:30:14,340
Problems occur, though, when one person
has a different view.

1029
01:30:14,800 --> 01:30:18,800
For example, one of you could be hoping
that things might develop further,

1030
01:30:19,060 --> 01:30:24,920
whilst the other may only be out for
simple sex, and might even have a

1031
01:30:24,920 --> 01:30:25,920
partner elsewhere.

1032
01:30:39,589 --> 01:30:44,850
Obviously, in an age of AIDS and the
need for safe sex, the man must wear a

1033
01:30:44,850 --> 01:30:50,050
condom so as to reduce the chances of
giving or receiving a sexually

1034
01:30:50,050 --> 01:30:51,050
disease.

1035
01:30:52,610 --> 01:30:53,750
It's very important.

1036
01:30:54,070 --> 01:30:57,530
It's just not worth throwing your life
away over a one -night stand.

1037
01:31:00,950 --> 01:31:04,010
It frightens me very much that there are
people out there that carry on

1038
01:31:04,010 --> 01:31:05,010
regardless.

1039
01:31:05,950 --> 01:31:10,680
The best precaution you can take is for
you to stay monogamous for three to four

1040
01:31:10,680 --> 01:31:13,400
months, and then both have an AIDS test.

1041
01:31:16,580 --> 01:31:20,640
Condoms help protect against pregnancy
and sexually transmitted diseases,

1042
01:31:20,780 --> 01:31:21,860
including AIDS.

1043
01:31:22,580 --> 01:31:26,780
Putting them on as part of foreplay can
be fun, not a big issue.

1044
01:31:28,020 --> 01:31:31,520
Always use a new one and ensure it's
undamaged.

1045
01:31:32,060 --> 01:31:34,240
Roll it over the penis when it's erect.

1046
01:31:34,760 --> 01:31:38,600
and be sure that the condom is securely
on before any genital contact.

1047
01:31:40,600 --> 01:31:45,980
As you withdraw the penis after sex,
hold the base of the condom so that no

1048
01:31:45,980 --> 01:31:46,980
semen is spilled.

1049
01:31:50,500 --> 01:31:55,700
Unprotected oral contact with one
another's genitals can be risky as the

1050
01:31:55,700 --> 01:31:59,940
virus and other infections can be spread
in body fluids.

1051
01:32:00,570 --> 01:32:05,250
especially if you have ulcers or sores
in your mouth or have recently brushed

1052
01:32:05,250 --> 01:32:08,410
your teeth producing tiny abrasions on
your gums.

1053
01:32:18,450 --> 01:32:23,750
Another precaution available is the
female condom. This relatively recent

1054
01:32:23,750 --> 01:32:28,410
invention is a highly effective barrier
to sperm, like the male sheath.

1055
01:32:29,870 --> 01:32:34,230
It's worn internally by the woman and
gives a very high level of protection

1056
01:32:34,230 --> 01:32:39,890
against all sexually transmitted
diseases, including HIV and AIDS.

1057
01:32:45,390 --> 01:32:50,210
Ideally, the whole issue of
contraception should be discussed well

1058
01:32:50,210 --> 01:32:51,210
start to make love.

1059
01:32:51,790 --> 01:32:56,310
Most men are sensible enough to take
precautions and so use a condom anyway.

1060
01:32:58,980 --> 01:33:03,440
Provided both parties are completely
willing, sex within the context of a new

1061
01:33:03,440 --> 01:33:06,020
relationship should be gloriously
enjoyable.

1062
01:33:07,280 --> 01:33:11,620
Both partners are keen to please and be
pleased, and if the relationship

1063
01:33:11,620 --> 01:33:15,760
continues then these are the times which
should set the pattern for the great

1064
01:33:15,760 --> 01:33:16,760
things to come.

1065
01:33:18,800 --> 01:33:22,160
Sex plays an important part in most
people's lives.

1066
01:33:22,810 --> 01:33:27,450
For the vast majority of people, it's an
intensely enjoyable and meaningful

1067
01:33:27,450 --> 01:33:32,230
experience, particularly if it's with
someone to whom they have a strong

1068
01:33:32,230 --> 01:33:33,550
emotional attachment.

1069
01:33:35,930 --> 01:33:40,450
We all owe it to ourselves to ensure
that sex remains enjoyable throughout

1070
01:33:40,450 --> 01:33:41,450
whole of our lives.

1071
01:33:42,390 --> 01:33:47,640
Often, though, as we have seen, Many
people, for a variety of reasons, let

1072
01:33:47,640 --> 01:33:52,680
drop down on their list of priorities,
until, in some cases, it becomes non

1073
01:33:52,680 --> 01:33:53,680
-existent.

1074
01:33:55,260 --> 01:34:00,440
Naturally, we can't be having actual sex
all the time, even in the best of

1075
01:34:00,440 --> 01:34:05,540
relationships. But we can make love to
our partner, in the broadest sense, for

1076
01:34:05,540 --> 01:34:06,740
much of our lives together.

1077
01:34:07,100 --> 01:34:08,100
Of course.

1078
01:34:08,200 --> 01:34:12,160
There are many pressures which prevent
us from doing everything we want.

1079
01:34:12,730 --> 01:34:18,150
But with only a little time and effort,
sex can be an area we continually try to

1080
01:34:18,150 --> 01:34:24,230
improve. And if we work at making love
like this, actual lovemaking together

1081
01:34:24,230 --> 01:34:25,470
only get better.

1082
01:34:26,210 --> 01:34:30,430
If you want to take things further, look
at the other programs in the Lover's

1083
01:34:30,430 --> 01:34:32,930
Guide series and find the right one for
you.

1084
01:34:33,660 --> 01:34:38,620
Hopefully, though, this essential
lover's guide has given you food for

1085
01:34:38,620 --> 01:34:43,960
and plenty of ideas to help you improve
your loving life with your partner.

1086
01:36:55,530 --> 01:36:59,670
I think a good sexual relationship has
got to be based on honesty and trust and

1087
01:36:59,670 --> 01:37:02,470
communication. And if you're madly in
love, then it's brilliant.

1088
01:37:04,750 --> 01:37:07,690
The thing is, I got lazy with all the
women I had before.

1089
01:37:08,450 --> 01:37:10,550
It came in the end, and I thought they
were okay.

1090
01:37:11,590 --> 01:37:12,910
Guess I was a bit insensitive.

1091
01:37:15,990 --> 01:37:19,690
Well, most of the blokes I've known seem
to think that sex is some sort of race

1092
01:37:19,690 --> 01:37:21,710
that they have to get through as quickly
as possible.

1093
01:37:25,390 --> 01:37:28,810
i feel much greater pleasure just from
knowing that she's enjoying herself as

1094
01:37:28,810 --> 01:37:35,630
much as i am this has always got better
and better as our

1095
01:37:35,630 --> 01:37:42,550
relationship has gone on our aim in this
and the other programs is to open up

1096
01:37:42,550 --> 01:37:47,970
the subject of sex to encourage people
to talk about it and hopefully to gain a

1097
01:37:47,970 --> 01:37:49,310
benefit from doing so

1098
01:37:53,720 --> 01:37:58,700
Images are explicit, but they only
portray things which, to most people,

1099
01:37:58,700 --> 01:38:02,280
intimate, important and intensely
pleasurable part of their lives.

1100
01:38:03,800 --> 01:38:08,080
Because everyone is so different, the
program can only give a general view.

1101
01:38:09,420 --> 01:38:13,600
You may not agree with everything that
is said, or feel that all the sections

1102
01:38:13,600 --> 01:38:14,660
are relevant to you.

1103
01:38:14,920 --> 01:38:19,660
But whatever age or stage you are at in
a relationship, or whether you are

1104
01:38:19,660 --> 01:38:24,220
between relationships, the Essential
Lovers Guide should have something to

1105
01:38:24,220 --> 01:38:25,220
offer.

1106
01:39:13,520 --> 01:39:17,800
Everybody at some stage in their life
will probably experience the intense

1107
01:39:17,800 --> 01:39:19,620
excitement of a new relationship.

1108
01:39:20,900 --> 01:39:26,080
Those first few months can create a
multitude of feelings from sheer panic

1109
01:39:26,080 --> 01:39:30,520
high elation as each person gets to know
the other both emotionally and

1110
01:39:30,520 --> 01:39:31,520
physically.

1111
01:39:33,080 --> 01:39:38,520
Often, if the individuals get on well
together, this first flush can extend

1112
01:39:38,520 --> 01:39:39,760
a long period of time.

1113
01:39:40,220 --> 01:39:43,200
and form the basis of a strong and
lasting relationship.

1114
01:39:45,840 --> 01:39:51,120
Conversely, it's at this stage that most
relationships fail, or one or both

1115
01:39:51,120 --> 01:39:55,240
realise they have too little in common
and decide they don't have a future

1116
01:39:55,240 --> 01:39:56,240
together.

1117
01:39:58,640 --> 01:40:02,780
During this formative stage,
communication is very important.

1118
01:40:03,990 --> 01:40:08,410
Openness about one's likes and dislikes
and a willingness to talk freely about

1119
01:40:08,410 --> 01:40:12,890
one's feelings can set important
precedents as habits and attitudes

1120
01:40:12,890 --> 01:40:13,890
clear.

1121
01:40:15,510 --> 01:40:19,690
At some stage, one or both people will
start to look ahead.

1122
01:40:20,070 --> 01:40:24,470
It may now become obvious that one
partner wants more commitment than the

1123
01:40:24,470 --> 01:40:26,190
is willing or able to give.

1124
01:40:26,770 --> 01:40:31,410
This is a time when it makes sense to be
honest with each other so that the

1125
01:40:31,410 --> 01:40:32,410
position is clear.

1126
01:40:36,200 --> 01:40:40,740
This can be difficult because it
probably means sacrificing short -term

1127
01:40:40,740 --> 01:40:43,580
happiness to prevent long -term
unhappiness.

1128
01:40:44,020 --> 01:40:49,260
However, once both sides make a
commitment, the relationship usually

1129
01:40:49,260 --> 01:40:50,760
deeper and more involved.

1130
01:40:51,520 --> 01:40:56,580
This may last for only a couple of
months, several years, or a lifetime.

1131
01:40:59,740 --> 01:41:03,620
Sexually, this period can often be less
frenetic than the first flush.

1132
01:41:04,400 --> 01:41:07,420
But it can be a time for reaching a
whole new level of intimacy.

1133
01:41:08,240 --> 01:41:11,640
Instead of settling into habits, try to
be more adventurous.

1134
01:41:12,100 --> 01:41:13,860
I think you shouldn't be scared to
experiment.

1135
01:41:14,200 --> 01:41:15,940
Then you don't get staler in a rut.

1136
01:41:21,140 --> 01:41:23,840
You should always keep that spark and
excite your partner.

1137
01:41:25,620 --> 01:41:31,040
Discover what you both like best in
terms of adventurous sex, positions, sex

1138
01:41:31,040 --> 01:41:32,260
toys and so on.

1139
01:41:32,720 --> 01:41:37,080
By doing this, you'll maximize your
range of possibilities for the future

1140
01:41:37,080 --> 01:41:43,740
however as with all human behavior

1141
01:41:43,740 --> 01:41:48,480
there will inevitably be ups and downs
even if your relationship is going well

1142
01:41:48,480 --> 01:41:54,900
it may be that one partner will find it
hard to be faithful if this is a serious

1143
01:41:54,900 --> 01:42:00,540
problem it's perhaps better to end the
relationship there and then while some

1144
01:42:00,540 --> 01:42:05,140
people want to have their cake and eat
it It is unwise to be unfaithful with

1145
01:42:05,140 --> 01:42:07,140
the deceit and risks that this involves.

1146
01:42:09,200 --> 01:42:11,740
Some couples do get stuck in a rut,
though.

1147
01:42:12,180 --> 01:42:16,820
They find it difficult to make any real
commitment, but equally difficult to

1148
01:42:16,820 --> 01:42:17,820
split up.

1149
01:42:20,080 --> 01:42:25,280
If this limbo phase goes on too long,
bring matters to a head by talking it

1150
01:42:25,280 --> 01:42:26,280
through.

1151
01:42:27,370 --> 01:42:32,410
As a relationship matures, many other
factors apart from mutual attraction

1152
01:42:32,410 --> 01:42:33,410
into play.

1153
01:42:33,470 --> 01:42:35,690
Work and children are just two examples.

1154
01:42:36,750 --> 01:42:39,950
Children are, of course, a major
commitment for life.

1155
01:42:40,470 --> 01:42:45,030
We cannot get divorced from them. They
rely on the relationship of their

1156
01:42:45,030 --> 01:42:46,490
or another supportive couple.

1157
01:42:48,070 --> 01:42:53,250
Long -standing relationships can create
a richness and depth that only time can

1158
01:42:53,250 --> 01:42:55,470
bring. A true partnership.

1159
01:42:57,770 --> 01:43:01,970
Many couples, though, find that at this
stage their relationship can get into a

1160
01:43:01,970 --> 01:43:04,490
mid -term crisis, the rocky years.

1161
01:43:06,650 --> 01:43:10,850
They admit that their sex life just
hasn't retained that sparkle of earlier

1162
01:43:10,850 --> 01:43:15,450
times, even though other aspects of the
relationship may be fine.

1163
01:43:17,430 --> 01:43:22,510
For others, sex is good, but the
partnership has little else going for

1164
01:43:33,740 --> 01:43:38,140
For most, though, a sense of solid
commitment deepens and enriches the

1165
01:43:38,140 --> 01:43:39,140
relationship.

1166
01:43:39,340 --> 01:43:44,380
Sex is still rewarding and when the
children leave home, a new chapter of

1167
01:43:44,380 --> 01:43:46,880
and emotional enjoyment opens up for
them.

1168
01:44:05,710 --> 01:44:10,110
People can underestimate just how
difficult it is to keep a relationship

1169
01:44:11,350 --> 01:44:15,550
Most people think that once the initial
attraction is there, then everything

1170
01:44:15,550 --> 01:44:17,290
else will somehow follow naturally.

1171
01:44:17,870 --> 01:44:22,090
A relationship has to be nurtured if
it's going to survive and flourish.

1172
01:44:24,050 --> 01:44:29,330
But the pressures of life are often such
that it's the last thing we take proper

1173
01:44:29,330 --> 01:44:30,330
care of.

1174
01:44:31,950 --> 01:44:36,290
A couple's sex life can often be one of
the best indicators of the state of

1175
01:44:36,290 --> 01:44:37,290
their relationship.

1176
01:44:39,130 --> 01:44:40,770
Sex is really communication.

1177
01:44:41,050 --> 01:44:43,070
It's a way of talking to each other.

1178
01:44:46,150 --> 01:44:50,870
The eternal question is whether or not
it's possible to maintain a strong

1179
01:44:50,870 --> 01:44:56,210
element of sexual pleasure and reward
for the same partner for 10, 20, 30 or

1180
01:44:56,210 --> 01:44:57,210
more years.

1181
01:45:01,000 --> 01:45:05,880
Our attraction for one another may be
expressed differently over the years,

1182
01:45:05,880 --> 01:45:11,260
physical sex between two people who feel
deeply for each other can stay as good

1183
01:45:11,260 --> 01:45:12,260
as it always was.

1184
01:45:14,400 --> 01:45:20,040
In some cases it can get even better, as
the purely physical attraction is

1185
01:45:20,040 --> 01:45:23,160
enhanced by deeper emotional maturity
and commitment.

1186
01:45:24,930 --> 01:45:29,570
Being able to talk openly and freely to
one another, particularly when problems

1187
01:45:29,570 --> 01:45:31,970
arise, is the key to a good sex life.

1188
01:45:35,170 --> 01:45:38,290
If you're close enough to actually make
love then you should be close enough to

1189
01:45:38,290 --> 01:45:39,290
talk about it.

1190
01:45:39,330 --> 01:45:42,030
If you try and do it without talking
then you're just looking for trouble.

1191
01:45:49,070 --> 01:45:51,390
This may well be easier said than done.

1192
01:45:52,120 --> 01:45:56,160
When it comes to sex and emotions,
people often find it difficult to talk

1193
01:45:56,160 --> 01:46:00,540
openly. This is both because of the
subject itself and because of how it

1194
01:46:00,540 --> 01:46:01,920
affect their partner's feelings.

1195
01:46:04,320 --> 01:46:10,680
It helps greatly to say how we feel and,
perhaps more importantly, learn how to

1196
01:46:10,680 --> 01:46:11,920
listen to our partner.

1197
01:46:13,160 --> 01:46:16,820
This might mean putting your own
thoughts to one side for the moment.

1198
01:46:19,420 --> 01:46:20,420
Understanding.

1199
01:46:20,920 --> 01:46:24,340
and letting your partner know you
understand what they are really feeling

1200
01:46:24,340 --> 01:46:27,520
saying is vital to the communication
process.

1201
01:46:28,520 --> 01:46:33,000
Once you can both trust each other to
talk freely and listen to what's being

1202
01:46:33,000 --> 01:46:37,800
said, you'll have taken a big step
towards forging a happier and more

1203
01:46:37,800 --> 01:46:38,800
relationship.

1204
01:46:41,680 --> 01:46:46,140
Keeping the excitement and pleasure of
the physical side of a relationship

1205
01:46:46,140 --> 01:46:49,260
also takes imagination, creativity,

1206
01:46:53,299 --> 01:46:58,280
People tend to think that extra special
care and effort is only necessary at the

1207
01:46:58,280 --> 01:46:59,400
beginning of a relationship.

1208
01:47:00,140 --> 01:47:05,220
All too often, early romantic habits
fall by the wayside as the relationship

1209
01:47:05,220 --> 01:47:07,280
becomes established and more settled.

1210
01:47:08,260 --> 01:47:13,260
This, combined with the pressures of
work commitments or a family, often

1211
01:47:13,260 --> 01:47:17,160
in a couple becoming lazy about the
amount of quality time they spend

1212
01:47:17,900 --> 01:47:21,880
As a result, their intimate lives fall
short of what they would like.

1213
01:47:26,940 --> 01:47:30,840
Well, my first marriage really flunked
because we became total strangers.

1214
01:47:31,540 --> 01:47:35,320
Now my new girlfriend and I talk a lot,
and as long as we keep on being open

1215
01:47:35,320 --> 01:47:39,340
like this, I can't see this relationship
really going wrong.

1216
01:47:45,960 --> 01:47:50,770
However, An investment of time and
attention, despite the pressures, can

1217
01:47:50,770 --> 01:47:52,010
most problems in the bud.

1218
01:47:53,370 --> 01:47:58,410
Couples who do manage to spend quality
time together tend to be happier, both

1219
01:47:58,410 --> 01:48:00,190
emotionally and sexually.

1220
01:48:03,350 --> 01:48:08,750
Romancing your partner can take many
forms, and however small the gesture,

1221
01:48:08,750 --> 01:48:10,310
usually the thought which counts.

1222
01:48:18,480 --> 01:48:22,480
Knowing someone truly cares for you, in
whatever little way they may outwardly

1223
01:48:22,480 --> 01:48:25,360
show it, is really important in any
relationship.

1224
01:48:31,260 --> 01:48:37,040
Set aside regular times together, even
if it's only an arranged evening in or a

1225
01:48:37,040 --> 01:48:38,040
shared lunch break.

1226
01:48:39,040 --> 01:48:42,220
Take time to talk and listen to one
another.

1227
01:48:49,230 --> 01:48:51,070
Keep up the romance in your
relationship.

1228
01:48:51,570 --> 01:48:56,270
Send sexy letters or flowers, just when
your partner least expects them.

1229
01:48:58,870 --> 01:49:02,150
Take every opportunity to be physical
with each other.

1230
01:49:02,930 --> 01:49:07,910
Recreate those courtship days when hand
-holding and constant contact were the

1231
01:49:07,910 --> 01:49:08,910
norm.

1232
01:49:12,650 --> 01:49:16,210
Even if it's just something as simple as
stroking my hand, it can drive me

1233
01:49:16,210 --> 01:49:17,210
crazy.

1234
01:49:18,090 --> 01:49:19,270
That's weird, isn't it?

1235
01:49:20,270 --> 01:49:24,830
However, just like anything else in a
relationship, sex should never be taken

1236
01:49:24,830 --> 01:49:25,830
for granted.

1237
01:49:26,130 --> 01:49:30,410
Even couples who perceive they have a
good sex life always have room for

1238
01:49:30,410 --> 01:49:33,950
and improvement, and often in ways they
never imagined.

1239
01:49:36,010 --> 01:49:40,790
If both partners feel secure and
confident with each other, then it's

1240
01:49:40,790 --> 01:49:43,250
likely that their sex life will reflect
this.

1241
01:49:44,590 --> 01:49:48,810
Make time for each other, even if it's
only a couple of hours to have a

1242
01:49:48,810 --> 01:49:50,230
seriously sexy time.

1243
01:49:51,730 --> 01:49:55,550
Anticipation can be increased by telling
your lover of the plans you have to

1244
01:49:55,550 --> 01:49:56,550
seduce them later.

1245
01:49:57,770 --> 01:50:01,250
I love it when she calls me at work and
tells me how she can't wait to be with

1246
01:50:01,250 --> 01:50:02,250
me.

1247
01:50:02,390 --> 01:50:03,710
It makes me feel great.

1248
01:50:09,050 --> 01:50:11,930
Try not to leave sex until you go to bed
at night.

1249
01:50:12,809 --> 01:50:15,870
Tiredness can put a stop to physical
activity very quickly.

1250
01:50:16,730 --> 01:50:21,330
If you have time during the day, take
the opportunity and make the most of it.

1251
01:50:27,690 --> 01:50:29,090
Occasionally, go even further.

1252
01:50:29,490 --> 01:50:33,510
Take a whole day off or go away together
for a weekend or more.

1253
01:50:34,450 --> 01:50:37,830
One of the best times for great sex is
on holiday.

1254
01:50:39,370 --> 01:50:40,870
Getting away together is best.

1255
01:50:41,530 --> 01:50:44,210
then we can really enjoy ourselves in a
way that we never can at home.

1256
01:50:49,090 --> 01:50:54,450
Once you have managed to put aside some
time and have found a private place, few

1257
01:50:54,450 --> 01:50:57,710
things are more erotic than stripping
each other slowly.

1258
01:50:59,430 --> 01:51:02,470
Stripping for one another can be an art
in itself.

1259
01:51:03,490 --> 01:51:06,490
Take things slowly, but not too
seriously.

1260
01:51:07,450 --> 01:51:10,030
Remember to leave the best bit till
last.

1261
01:51:10,990 --> 01:51:15,150
By this time, you'll probably find that
you won't be able to keep your hands off

1262
01:51:15,150 --> 01:51:16,150
one another.

1263
01:51:19,170 --> 01:51:24,590
At home or at a hotel, don't rush
straight to bed but have a lingering

1264
01:51:24,590 --> 01:51:25,590
shower.

1265
01:51:27,110 --> 01:51:28,590
Soap each other all over.

1266
01:51:29,590 --> 01:51:33,270
Dry one another and pamper each other
with talc or oils.

1267
01:51:34,930 --> 01:51:37,730
I find it ever so erotic to be gently
stroked.

1268
01:51:42,000 --> 01:51:46,760
I like him licking me and stroking me
and he likes to stroke me and I love it.

1269
01:51:54,580 --> 01:51:59,780
Why not try massage as a way of relaxing
each other as well as seducing one

1270
01:51:59,780 --> 01:52:00,780
another?

1271
01:52:01,060 --> 01:52:05,140
The very act builds trust in a way
almost nothing else can.

1272
01:52:06,460 --> 01:52:10,880
You'll both come to feel completely
relaxed when naked in each other's

1273
01:52:12,950 --> 01:52:17,770
Massage is also a way of giving and
receiving love and pleasure without the

1274
01:52:17,770 --> 01:52:18,850
pressure to have sex.

1275
01:52:20,970 --> 01:52:25,490
The thing I like about massage, it's one
of the few ways that we can feel that

1276
01:52:25,490 --> 01:52:28,650
close and loving and yet not have to go
on to have sex if we don't want to.

1277
01:52:34,970 --> 01:52:39,830
Make sure you're both warm and
comfortable and that the person being

1278
01:52:39,830 --> 01:52:41,090
lying on a flat surface.

1279
01:52:42,920 --> 01:52:47,280
The main thing to remember is to keep
your hands in constant contact with your

1280
01:52:47,280 --> 01:52:48,280
partner's body.

1281
01:52:49,880 --> 01:52:54,700
Take your time and maintain a slow,
soothing, rhythmic flow.

1282
01:52:56,040 --> 01:53:00,240
Above all, enjoy discovering from one
another what feels best.

1283
01:53:01,940 --> 01:53:06,580
Quite often when I start out, I don't
feel at all turned on, especially if I'm

1284
01:53:06,580 --> 01:53:07,580
tired.

1285
01:53:10,250 --> 01:53:14,070
But after a while and when we're
relaxed, I often feel much better about

1286
01:53:14,070 --> 01:53:15,070
love.

1287
01:53:21,130 --> 01:53:23,250
Take some food and wine to bed.

1288
01:53:23,550 --> 01:53:27,850
Eating and drinking like this can spark
off all sorts of interesting activities.

1289
01:53:32,190 --> 01:53:34,050
Talk sexily to each other.

1290
01:53:34,290 --> 01:53:38,410
There are few people who don't get
turned on by hearing their partner

1291
01:53:38,410 --> 01:53:39,490
sexily to them.

1292
01:53:40,200 --> 01:53:42,380
especially about what they would like to
do to them.

1293
01:53:42,980 --> 01:53:46,080
And if you're both happy about it, try
it out later.

1294
01:53:49,000 --> 01:53:53,320
Keep up this enhancement of your sex
life, whether you're at home or away.

1295
01:53:54,380 --> 01:53:59,080
And remember, it can be a much more
erotic experience when you let yourself

1296
01:53:59,080 --> 01:54:00,840
and act spontaneously.

1297
01:54:05,610 --> 01:54:09,750
Whilst an enormous amount is written and
said about interacting with one's

1298
01:54:09,750 --> 01:54:14,670
partner, it's also very important that
we are happy and confident about our own

1299
01:54:14,670 --> 01:54:15,810
selves and bodies.

1300
01:54:17,010 --> 01:54:22,130
So often a good sex life can be spoiled
because one or both partners are

1301
01:54:22,130 --> 01:54:23,490
embarrassed about their body.

1302
01:54:25,110 --> 01:54:29,110
I think you have to like your body and
love your body to appreciate anybody

1303
01:54:29,110 --> 01:54:33,090
else's. You can't expect someone to love
your body if you don't.

1304
01:54:36,200 --> 01:54:39,460
If you have confidence in yourself when
you're undressed, I think the actual

1305
01:54:39,460 --> 01:54:41,340
aura you give off does help.

1306
01:54:47,220 --> 01:54:51,740
Obviously, the way we perceive ourselves
differs enormously depending on our

1307
01:54:51,740 --> 01:54:53,380
circumstances throughout life.

1308
01:54:54,580 --> 01:54:59,740
So much pressure is put on both sexes to
be good -looking that it's very easy to

1309
01:54:59,740 --> 01:55:00,740
lose confidence.

1310
01:55:02,510 --> 01:55:06,730
This can be a particular problem if one
partner is overly critical of anything

1311
01:55:06,730 --> 01:55:07,730
about the other.

1312
01:55:11,190 --> 01:55:15,170
Nature has designed things such that we
come in all different shapes and sizes.

1313
01:55:15,830 --> 01:55:20,410
True self -acceptance means taking a
delight in the things we like and being

1314
01:55:20,410 --> 01:55:22,810
prepared to live with those that can't
be changed.

1315
01:55:26,910 --> 01:55:31,430
It's really worth taking care of your
body, particularly as you get older.

1316
01:55:32,580 --> 01:55:36,740
Like anything, this will take time and
effort, but you owe it to both yourself

1317
01:55:36,740 --> 01:55:39,420
and your partner not to let yourself go.

1318
01:55:43,880 --> 01:55:45,720
We do like to look nice for each other.

1319
01:55:46,140 --> 01:55:47,140
Definitely.

1320
01:55:51,100 --> 01:55:55,460
Accepting ourselves also means
acknowledging that we have sexual needs,

1321
01:55:55,460 --> 01:55:57,220
individually and with a partner.

1322
01:55:58,700 --> 01:56:03,820
Keeping in touch with your own body and
sexual responses is both worth doing and

1323
01:56:03,820 --> 01:56:06,940
enjoyable, even if you are in a happy
relationship.

1324
01:56:08,540 --> 01:56:13,640
It's often as important to make special
times to pamper yourself as it is to

1325
01:56:13,640 --> 01:56:14,680
pamper your partner.

1326
01:56:15,760 --> 01:56:18,340
This can be done easily and simply.

1327
01:56:19,300 --> 01:56:25,000
It's relaxing, enhances your feelings of
self -worth and prepares you for

1328
01:56:25,000 --> 01:56:26,720
telling a partner what you like.

1329
01:56:34,410 --> 01:56:36,250
Try having a long bath or shower.

1330
01:56:37,230 --> 01:56:41,730
Use the time to rediscover parts of your
body which are erotically sensitive.

1331
01:56:43,730 --> 01:56:50,730
Your nipples, for example, chest,
stomach, inner thighs and forearms may

1332
01:56:50,730 --> 01:56:52,830
responsive to touching and stroking.

1333
01:56:55,250 --> 01:56:58,810
Try doing the same using baby oil or
talc in the bedroom.

1334
01:57:00,270 --> 01:57:02,510
I was quite surprised when I first tried
it.

1335
01:57:03,210 --> 01:57:05,950
I realized that I'd never taken time to
think what I really liked.

1336
01:57:07,450 --> 01:57:10,390
That's why I never knew what to say when
my boyfriend asked me what I wanted him

1337
01:57:10,390 --> 01:57:11,390
to do.

1338
01:57:15,290 --> 01:57:20,870
This self -pampering often leads to
masturbation, particularly if you let

1339
01:57:20,870 --> 01:57:21,970
mind run riot.

1340
01:57:22,470 --> 01:57:26,290
But that's fine, even if you have a
great sex life with your lover.

1341
01:57:32,110 --> 01:57:35,730
Keeping a relationship alive takes
communication and effort.

1342
01:57:36,770 --> 01:57:41,190
Couples who are totally in tune with one
another can literally make love all the

1343
01:57:41,190 --> 01:57:44,910
time, even if they're not doing anything
overtly sexual.

1344
01:57:48,170 --> 01:57:51,850
No one is suggesting that maintaining a
relationship is easy.

1345
01:57:52,070 --> 01:57:58,230
We all encounter bad times, but it will
be much easier to cope with any lows and

1346
01:57:58,230 --> 01:57:59,590
create more high points.

1347
01:58:00,120 --> 01:58:02,780
if the foundations of the relationship
are strong.

1348
01:58:28,880 --> 01:58:33,860
As a general rule, everyone's sex life
can be improved simply by prolonging the

1349
01:58:33,860 --> 01:58:35,100
time devoted to it.

1350
01:58:36,460 --> 01:58:41,360
This doesn't just mean taking longer
over having intercourse. It means

1351
01:58:41,360 --> 01:58:44,960
more time on all aspects of sexual
contact with your partner.

1352
01:58:47,180 --> 01:58:51,940
This is particularly true for foreplay,
a word that's slightly misleading

1353
01:58:51,940 --> 01:58:55,980
because it gives the impression that it
can only come before something else.

1354
01:58:56,870 --> 01:59:00,770
Many couples say that they can have a
great sex session without having

1355
01:59:00,770 --> 01:59:01,770
intercourse at all.

1356
01:59:02,650 --> 01:59:05,490
Certainly great pleasure can come from
foreplay alone.

1357
01:59:05,930 --> 01:59:10,670
The longer it goes on, and the more
adventurous it is, the more aroused both

1358
01:59:10,670 --> 01:59:11,670
lovers will become.

1359
01:59:12,390 --> 01:59:17,790
This can often result in spectacular
orgasms, whether they are part of

1360
01:59:17,790 --> 01:59:19,170
itself or intercourse.

1361
01:59:23,470 --> 01:59:27,590
Playing around, you know, like kissing
and cuddling, often that's better than

1362
01:59:27,590 --> 01:59:28,590
actual sex.

1363
01:59:36,470 --> 01:59:40,850
Well, the actual sex doesn't always turn
me on as much as a good long session of

1364
01:59:40,850 --> 01:59:42,110
kissing and playing around.

1365
01:59:46,490 --> 01:59:51,390
Foreplay and non -penetrative pleasuring
of this kind can start outside the

1366
01:59:51,390 --> 01:59:52,390
bedroom.

1367
01:59:56,840 --> 02:00:01,240
Kissing is an activity which we all
lingered over in our teens because it

1368
02:00:01,240 --> 02:00:06,300
enjoyable. Yet it's something many
people do less and less the longer they

1369
02:00:06,300 --> 02:00:07,300
in a relationship.

1370
02:00:10,860 --> 02:00:15,800
Kissing is an art in itself which can
take many forms depending upon the mood

1371
02:00:15,800 --> 02:00:16,800
the moment.

1372
02:00:17,200 --> 02:00:18,360
I like kissing.

1373
02:00:18,580 --> 02:00:20,660
That's really important because it's
proper contact.

1374
02:00:25,480 --> 02:00:30,760
Don't just kiss mouth to mouth, but draw
your lips across your partner's face to

1375
02:00:30,760 --> 02:00:33,220
let the passion build slowly and
delicately.

1376
02:00:34,620 --> 02:00:37,540
Try running your tongue around your
partner's teeth.

1377
02:00:38,960 --> 02:00:43,100
French kiss for ages, concentrating on
what your tongues are doing.

1378
02:00:44,320 --> 02:00:49,140
Gentle nibbling of your lover's lips and
earlobes, bites on the neck, can be

1379
02:00:49,140 --> 02:00:50,140
very erotic.

1380
02:00:51,260 --> 02:00:53,860
Don't just restrict kissing to the face,
though.

1381
02:00:55,400 --> 02:00:59,060
I just love it when he kisses the back
of my neck. I just feel tingly all over

1382
02:00:59,060 --> 02:01:00,060
and it's just wonderful.

1383
02:01:05,200 --> 02:01:10,920
Kiss the throat, the nipples, the
stomach, and then you could even go down

1384
02:01:10,920 --> 02:01:12,320
your partner's toes and feet.

1385
02:01:18,320 --> 02:01:21,600
This can be delicious to both giver and
receiver.

1386
02:01:24,880 --> 02:01:28,000
Small sucks and bites are also very
erotic.

1387
02:01:28,440 --> 02:01:31,240
Try wetting an area and blowing on it.

1388
02:01:32,100 --> 02:01:35,500
Nibble your partner's skin in places
they find exciting.

1389
02:01:37,140 --> 02:01:41,620
Many men say that their nipples become
highly sensitive if they get excited.

1390
02:01:42,280 --> 02:01:46,960
To be honest, my body isn't that
sensitive, but when she gently bites my

1391
02:01:46,960 --> 02:01:49,500
nipples, it just turns me on.

1392
02:01:57,230 --> 02:02:01,430
Spend time gently stroking your
partner's skin with a featherlike

1393
02:02:02,150 --> 02:02:05,370
Most people agree that it's wonderfully
arousing.

1394
02:02:06,890 --> 02:02:08,910
Stroke all over each other's bodies.

1395
02:02:09,310 --> 02:02:14,190
Find out which parts are particularly
sensitive and concentrate on them.

1396
02:02:14,710 --> 02:02:16,810
This can really build desire.

1397
02:02:21,740 --> 02:02:26,560
When it comes to more intimate foreplay,
try to be honest and open about what

1398
02:02:26,560 --> 02:02:28,220
you particularly like or dislike.

1399
02:02:28,800 --> 02:02:33,960
Genital stimulation in particular is
very personal, and lovers should take

1400
02:02:33,960 --> 02:02:36,360
to discover what their partner really
enjoys.

1401
02:02:37,600 --> 02:02:41,620
I didn't used to really know what I was
supposed to do with it, so I just

1402
02:02:41,620 --> 02:02:42,620
avoided touching it.

1403
02:02:44,660 --> 02:02:50,420
The top needs gentle treatment, and
light tickling can be electric,

1404
02:02:50,420 --> 02:02:51,420
on the frenum.

1405
02:02:51,740 --> 02:02:53,920
the vertical ridge of skin on the
underside.

1406
02:02:54,960 --> 02:02:59,720
If you're going to rub it a lot, use a
lubricant or saliva as this will

1407
02:02:59,720 --> 02:03:01,820
sensation and prevent soreness.

1408
02:03:03,160 --> 02:03:06,140
If you want him to climax, pump down
hard.

1409
02:03:07,440 --> 02:03:12,660
The grip can vary, but remember, it can
rarely be held too tightly.

1410
02:03:14,760 --> 02:03:20,160
Even more arousing is really firm but
slow masturbation, which will have him

1411
02:03:20,160 --> 02:03:21,480
squirming with pleasure.

1412
02:03:23,140 --> 02:03:28,860
Some men enjoy a well -lubricated finger
on or actually in their anus.

1413
02:03:30,500 --> 02:03:35,500
Inside, it allows the woman to rub the
prostate gland with the pad of a finger.

1414
02:03:36,420 --> 02:03:41,300
It's quite safe as long as your
fingernails are short and you don't then

1415
02:03:41,300 --> 02:03:42,980
that same finger on your own vagina.

1416
02:03:45,260 --> 02:03:47,780
Some women too enjoy anal stimulation.

1417
02:03:53,460 --> 02:03:58,960
This index finger and thumb ring
technique can be delicious as can the

1418
02:03:58,960 --> 02:04:01,540
hand grip with the thumb trailing over
the frenum.

1419
02:04:03,860 --> 02:04:09,100
Other variations include rolling the
penis like dough between both hands or

1420
02:04:09,100 --> 02:04:11,020
using one to roll it against your thigh.

1421
02:04:17,000 --> 02:04:20,820
Caressing the penis like this isn't just
great foreplay and a way of bringing

1422
02:04:20,820 --> 02:04:25,860
him to orgasm. It can also help stiffen
him again after he's already climaxed.

1423
02:04:30,500 --> 02:04:35,000
When men try to caress their partners,
they sometimes don't realize how

1424
02:04:35,000 --> 02:04:38,740
uncomfortable or even painful it can be
when done without care.

1425
02:04:40,180 --> 02:04:42,400
Most men need guidance at first.

1426
02:04:43,139 --> 02:04:47,680
It's very difficult for them to discover
how to do it properly just by trial and

1427
02:04:47,680 --> 02:04:48,680
error.

1428
02:04:54,620 --> 02:04:58,280
I find that even a fraction of an inch
can make all the difference.

1429
02:04:59,260 --> 02:05:01,260
Sometimes I have to remind him.

1430
02:05:04,000 --> 02:05:08,320
Guide his hands and fingers so that he
knows exactly what rhythm and pressure

1431
02:05:08,320 --> 02:05:09,320
pleases you best.

1432
02:05:10,990 --> 02:05:14,870
Show him gently and remember that
encouragement always works better than

1433
02:05:14,870 --> 02:05:15,870
criticism.

1434
02:05:17,530 --> 02:05:20,670
Moaning with pleasure when he gets it
right can be so effective.

1435
02:05:22,250 --> 02:05:26,610
I had loads of women before I got
married, but it's only now that I

1436
02:05:26,610 --> 02:05:28,390
much I had to learn.

1437
02:05:29,650 --> 02:05:32,770
I realise how much I had to learn.

1438
02:05:35,770 --> 02:05:38,750
It always helps to know where everything
is.

1439
02:05:39,360 --> 02:05:43,420
particularly the inner lips, clitoris,
and vaginal opening.

1440
02:05:44,760 --> 02:05:49,780
Gently stroke the whole pubic area,
including the inner thighs and outer

1441
02:05:49,780 --> 02:05:50,780
the vulva.

1442
02:05:51,300 --> 02:05:56,300
Just above the vaginal opening is the
clitoris, which is the center of female

1443
02:05:56,300 --> 02:05:57,300
arousal.

1444
02:06:01,940 --> 02:06:07,000
When you do start on the clitoris
itself, ensure that the whole area is

1445
02:06:07,000 --> 02:06:11,140
lubricated. It's a sensitive organ and
can become sore.

1446
02:06:12,380 --> 02:06:18,240
The clitoris itself has a hood which
retracts, but once the head is exposed,

1447
02:06:18,240 --> 02:06:20,340
may be too sensitive for direct
stimulation.

1448
02:06:22,540 --> 02:06:29,060
If this is so, work around its base,
rubbing side to side or up and down on

1449
02:06:29,060 --> 02:06:30,820
ridge you find above the clitoris.

1450
02:06:32,120 --> 02:06:35,760
Circular movements around the clitoral
area can be highly arousing.

1451
02:06:39,790 --> 02:06:42,730
Do be guided, though, by what your
partner tells you.

1452
02:06:43,890 --> 02:06:48,330
She may not want you to put your fingers
inside her until other lovemaking has

1453
02:06:48,330 --> 02:06:49,330
made her wet enough.

1454
02:06:52,590 --> 02:06:57,230
Place the flat of the hand over the
vulva so that the ball presses on the

1455
02:06:57,230 --> 02:06:58,230
bone.

1456
02:06:58,590 --> 02:07:03,510
The other fingers now stimulate the
outer lips, and the middle finger is

1457
02:07:03,510 --> 02:07:05,450
be gently inserted into the vagina.

1458
02:07:09,070 --> 02:07:14,150
If you want to bring your lover to
orgasm by hand, try creating a steady

1459
02:07:14,150 --> 02:07:17,290
with either or both clitoral and vaginal
stimulation.

1460
02:07:18,670 --> 02:07:23,570
Remember though, that it's through her
clitoris that orgasm is most likely to

1461
02:07:23,570 --> 02:07:24,570
achieved.

1462
02:07:25,630 --> 02:07:31,190
You could try using two or three well
lubricated fingers in a firm and regular

1463
02:07:31,190 --> 02:07:33,470
rhythm on or around the clitoris.

1464
02:07:34,470 --> 02:07:36,070
If this excites her,